It's been a bit since I've had a blog entry. Part of my moving forward is a commitment to blog more often, but if it isn't a measurable goal is it really a commitment? That's teacher speak for "how often will you be posting?" I'd like to get to every day, but I don't know if that's reasonable. I think I'll see what my benchmark will be now that there is a commitment to being committed!
Speaking of being a teacher, I STILL have to finish my research in order to receive my MA. I had arranged with the school for January, but that didn't happen so I need to get into action about setting it up again with the school. So why haven't I done that? When I think about being a full time teacher, same class same students every day, I am disheartened. I like substitute teaching because it is a change of scenery every time. Thinking about teaching the same class day in and out is not something pleasant, and feels like stepping willingly into a rut from the gate. It doesn't fulfill my passion to be an advocate. Why am I not moving forward toward my passion? Why do I have so many passions?
Among my passions these days is making jewelry... well it's not REALLY a passion but I am enjoying it. I'd rather be making lampwork beads but feel I have so many of them I need to get rid of. I've decided not to make more beads until I get rid of what I have, so I'm taking the inventory and purposing it into jewelry, and TRYING to sell the jewelry.
I'm trying a new live auction format at
TopHatter.com, but only very low ticket items seem to do well there ($20 or under). My jewelry is eclectic, unique, artistic, and priced around $100. Each piece is made with an artistic passion and creativity. Why am I so attached to my work? Why can't I let it go "cheap"? Why do I feel the need to restrict myself from my passion with these conditions?
As part of my efforts to sell jewelry I'm doing a lot of marketing study. I want to learn ore about tracking and growing my brand. I'm trying to expand my social engagement. I'm doing well with friends, but thinking about a business Face Book page.
I'm distracted by
Pinterest a lot, and have had some great success with followers but no way to measure how successful it is. I've added a follow me on Pinterest button above on the right. Check out my visual bulletin board. If you need an invite, post a comment below and make sure I can contact you. But I feel guilty for having "fun" and feeling like I'm not doing the hard work, not having a career, not having a job, being a disappointment. Why do I feel so unsuccessful? Why do I judge myself so harshly? Why do I feel that to be right and do right I can't be happy doing "it", whatever that is? Why do I feel like everything I am doing is the wrong thing?
Part of my plan to become more physically fit and transform with Dr. Oz's Nation is to create a video blog. Well, I did several videos, and have not posted them because I feel they need to be edited. Because I haven't edited them, I haven't posted them. Because I feel I have failed in my commitment and accountability, I've stopped making them (but not thinking about making them). Why don't I just post them, unedited? Why don't I think it can be that easy? Why do I complicate things so? Why can't I ever "just do it"? Why am I afraid of such inconsequential risk?
I've signed up for a geocaching site. I've invited others to go with me, once, but have no takers. Why don't I just do it? Why am I afraid? Why don't I know that there is nothing to be afraid of, nothing I can't anticipate and plan for?
Why do I live in fear when I know that fear only makes me live as if what I fear has already happened? Why don't I take my own advice? Why didn't that relationship work out? Why don't I have a career? Why did my car die? Why can't I figure this out? Why can't I have the confidence in myself that others have in me? Why do I always want? Why Why Why!?
Wishy washy ... that's me, that's my mind. Take out the "why" and what do you get? Either "is" "as" or "Wish" "Wash" ... I wish to wash away the why which is not wishful thinking, to be is as I am!
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Thank you so much for taking the time to read my thoughts!