Friday, March 2, 2012

Getting the Why out of Whishy and Washy

Being Poetry
It's been a bit since I've had a blog entry. Part of my moving forward is a commitment to blog more often, but if it isn't a measurable goal is it really a commitment? That's teacher speak for "how often will you be posting?" I'd like to get to every day, but I don't know if that's reasonable. I think I'll see what my benchmark will be now that there is a commitment to being committed!

I LOVE Advocacy
Speaking of being a teacher, I STILL have to finish my research in order to receive my MA. I had arranged with the school for January, but that didn't happen so I need to get into action about setting it up again with the school. So why haven't I done that? When I think about being a full time teacher, same class same students every day, I am disheartened. I like substitute teaching because it is a change of scenery every time. Thinking about teaching the same class day in and out is not something pleasant, and feels like stepping willingly into a rut from the gate. It doesn't fulfill my passion to be an advocate. Why am I not moving forward toward my passion? Why do I have so many passions? 

Tropical Hardware
Among my passions these days is making jewelry... well it's not REALLY a passion but I am enjoying it. I'd rather be making lampwork beads but feel I have so many of them I need to get rid of. I've decided not to make more beads until I get rid of what I have, so I'm taking the inventory and purposing it into jewelry, and TRYING to sell the jewelry.

Auction Dude on TopHatter
I'm trying a new live auction format at, but only very low ticket items seem to do well there ($20 or under). My jewelry is eclectic, unique, artistic, and priced around $100. Each piece is made with an artistic passion and creativity. Why am I so attached to my work? Why can't I let it go "cheap"? Why do I feel the need to restrict myself from my passion with these conditions?

As part of my efforts to sell jewelry I'm doing a lot of marketing study. I want to learn ore about tracking and growing my brand. I'm trying to expand my social engagement. I'm doing well with friends, but thinking about a business Face Book page. 
Check out my bulletin boards on Pinterest
I'm distracted by Pinterest a lot, and have had some great success with followers but no way to measure how successful it is. I've added a follow me on Pinterest button above on the right. Check out my visual bulletin board. If you need an invite, post a comment below and make sure I can contact you. But I feel guilty for having "fun" and feeling like I'm not doing the hard work, not having a career, not having a job, being a disappointment. Why do I feel so unsuccessful? Why do I judge myself so harshly? Why do I feel that to be right and do right I can't be happy doing "it", whatever that is? Why do I feel like everything I am doing is the wrong thing?

Dr. Oz Transformation Nation
Part of my plan to become more physically fit and transform with Dr. Oz's Nation is to create a video blog. Well, I did several videos, and have not posted them because I feel they need to be edited. Because I haven't edited them, I haven't posted them. Because I feel I have failed in my commitment and accountability, I've stopped making them (but not thinking about making them). Why don't I just post them, unedited? Why don't I think it can be that easy? Why do I complicate things so? Why can't I ever "just do it"? Why am I afraid of such inconsequential risk?

I've signed up for a geocaching site. I've invited others to go with me, once, but have no takers. Why don't I just do it? Why am I afraid? Why don't I know that there is nothing to be afraid of, nothing I can't anticipate and plan for?

Why do I live in fear when I know that fear only makes me live as if what I fear has already happened? Why don't I take my own advice? Why didn't that relationship work out? Why don't I have a career? Why did my car die? Why can't I figure this out? Why can't I have the confidence in myself that others have in me? Why do I always want? Why Why Why!?

Mangmade ... Wishy Washy Blogger
Wishy washy ... that's me, that's my mind. Take out the "why" and what do you get? Either "is" "as" or "Wish" "Wash" ... I wish to wash away the why which is not wishful thinking, to be is as I am!

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Thank you so much for taking the time to read my thoughts!