Sunday, January 27, 2013

I'm Queen of the Bongo, Here me When I Come!

I guess it has been a week or so; that's a really long time after posting almost daily! I've been beading; I'm working on this ammonite and creating a Cellini Spiral as a component. I bought it at the Bay Area Bead Expo; I've been wanting to post about my trip there...soon I promise! I love the bed of "coral"; do you?

The impetus for my daily blogging was Danielle' LaPorte's The Desire Map, a program that is helping me set "Goals with Soul". I have been taking it slowly, going at my own pace, and not feeling pressured to "finish" or "catch up" and I'm not looking for a "miracle cure." I can't remember ever proceeding on a project in this way, and I'm LOVING the quality results with my pace and process.

This morning I decided to take the next step in the workbook, and look at my "long list" of Core Desired Feelings (CDFs): Lucrative, Prevalent, Enlightening, Unlimited, Luxurious, Nourished, Spectacular, Incomparable, and Flowing. I'm now looking for what is really behind wanting to feel these ways, and for feelings that overlap in all areas of my life. During this specific process Danielle notes,“But let me point out something about the subtle but powerful way in which words can orient our energy. They can steer us to look outward, or they can anchor us to look inward, so we’re consciously looking to our inner power, or unconsciously looking to the outside world for what we want.”

What is wrong with looking outside for what I want to feel? I want to be in a world that I create; in the same time I want situations that permit me to create, I want situations that GIVE to my being. Yes, creating the world means I look inward to create the feelings I want, but that feels like work….I don’t want to work; I want to produce. I want to be in environments that are conducive to my production. I want to be able to distinguish the environment as conducive, or not, by the way I feel. If the environment makes me feel nourished, I feel safe in that environment. Yes, when a feeling is dependent on the outside, there is the risk that feeling will go, be taken, away; “fearless” means that I feel safe and faithful inside, enough that I don’t even consider that, or any other, risk.

Is looking for feelings that are dependent solely on my internally-realized desires another way of “doing” and “giving”? What does the world look like when I am responsible for the realization of all my feelings? Shouldn’t it be a simple choice, “I want to feel nourishing; pooof! I’m nourishing”? Even if it’s not that simple, what does the world look like when I’m nourished vs. nourishing? I want to feel nourished means someone else cares about me enough to see my needs; it’s about receiving love from the outside. I want to feel nourishing means I care enough about myself and others to give love from the inside; does loving myself include the desire for others to show they love me, to receive from the outside? What is receiving love REALLY about? When someone cares enough to give to me, they are approving of me; I am enough, I am good, I can trust, I will feel safe. Aye, there’s the rub!

Would I rather give or receive? If I give, I don’t rely on others for love. But that leaves me feeling like I must be satisfied with receiving love from myself; my arm is tired of patting my own back. I don’t feel loved by giving to myself, I feel loving. When I don’t’ feel loved, resentment builds and then I look to myself for why I don’t feel loved, and that starts the vicious cycle of self-deprecation.
The two MOST important questions, the ones that work best for me, are, “What would my life be like?” and “What is it REALLY about for me?” As I go through the long list of CDFs, and write the “real” feelings my core desires around these words, I notice that I can often say “I want to BE”; this is so antithetic to “confident”, as if I am not already these things….maybe I’m not….maybe it is ALL about feeling confidence?

But I DO have confidence. Sometimes it fails me, and when it does I'll remember I'm the Queen of Bongo!
"Bangin' on my bongo all that swing belongs to me
I'm so happy there's nobody in my place instead of me"


Saturday, January 12, 2013

Charming - Memories Blog Hop

When Lori Anderson announced the Memories and Thanks Blog Hop the timing could not have been more perfect; I had just finished making a necklace full of honor for important people in my life. I called this necklace Talisman, and it was inspired in large part by Erin Prais Hinz. I posted about this necklace and Erin's inspirational role back in November, but at that time I hadn't really and truly made it an acknowledgement of love and thanks.

Much has happened since creating this necklace (including completely redesigning it!), so I'll begin where I left off in November, and give official "thanks" in honor of the many loves in my life.

S'elf by SuziFitz Beads
My very good friend, Suzi Fitzwaters, was looking for volunteers to go to the Bay Area Bead Expo, and I happened to be free. Suzi and I live an hour's drive from each other but rarely get together. But, when we do, watch out! We always have such a great time, and she's so sassy! Suzi is a lampwork artist too, and is known for her "S'elf" beads. She likes to experiment with glass, and once found a very cool reaction and made a small set of beads just for me. Look for the large lentil and two matching roundels in the most gorgeous blue with coppery spots in my talisman necklace. If it weren't for Suzi, I would not be able to make beads the way I can now; she gifted me her old torch and gave me such a great deal on her oxygen concentrator it may as well have been free!

This is my son Isaac, my daughter Hillary, and my grand daughter Lydia (Z-girl). Isaac and Hillary are 13 years apart. Both my kids have grown to be such amazing people, and now we have little Z (Her name was almost Zadora, which I loved). I'm proud of both of them and it will be such a pleasure to watch them continue to do amazing things in the world. On my necklace is a charm I had made for my son when our beloved pug, Max, died. The picture was taken in Portland and is one of my favorites.

This is a U.S. Army Combat Infantry Badge 1st Award. It belonged to my father; he served 3 tours in Viet Nam during his Army career. My father died when he was 50. I never realized how very young that is, until now as I approach 50. I miss him very much and I'm sure he visited my Isaac when he was a baby. I feel his presence still. He's the third from the left in this picture of him with his siblings.

These are the beads I won from Erin. I had expressed this prize as my favorite because of the large focal, and it's Indian feel. My favorite bead I've ever made, because of how it felt to make it, is the Buddha in this necklace; it has been waiting for Erin's focal. You will find all of these beads in the necklace, along with my birthstone (raw Amethyst), a quartz point and a chunk of raw quartz with chlorite (bittersweet memories); these beads pay tribute to me, and all that I am. Here is the woman to whom "all that I am" is attributable to, my dear mother, Uta.

Please visit the other "blog hoppers" sharing their memories and tributes; the list at the bottom is clickable or you can click here.

And now, I present with heartfelt and never-ending gratitude, "Talisman"
Talisman by MonaRAEbeads

 Hostess, Lori Anderson       Pretty Things
Impetus for this Blog Hop, Elena Adams' mom    Momma's Little Birdies
 Adlinah Kamsir                   Dream Struck Designs

 Aimee Biondolillo               Aimee's Jewelry Treasures

 Alicia Marinache                 All the Pretty Things
 Andra Marasteanu               Handmade by Indra Marasteanu
 Andrea Trank                      Heaven Lane Creations
 April Grinaway                   Brooklyn Bead Goddess

Barb Solem                         Vivi Magoo Presents

Becky Pancake                    Becky Pancake Bead Designs

Beth Emery                         Stories by Indigo Heart

Bonnie Coursolle                Jasper's Gems

Cassi Paslick                       Beads: Rolling Downhill

Catherine King                    Catherine's Musings

Cece Cormier                      The Beading Yogini

Chandra Leitz                     Juniper Goods

Charissa Nesler                   FireStorm Designs
Charlie Jacka                       Clay Space

Christina Hickman              Vintage Treasures Jewelry

Christine Murrow               Charis Designs Jewelry
Christine Stonefield            Sweet Girl Design

Chrizette Bayman               Bead Soup Mix

Cindy Wilson                      It's My Sea of Dreams

CJ Bauschka                       4 His Glory Creations by CJ

Crystal Thain                      Here Bead Dragons

Cyndi Lavin                        Beading Arts

Debbie Rasmussen             A little of this, a little of that

Denielle Hagerman             Some Beads... and other things I like
Diana Gonzalez                  Arte y Poemas

Diane Hawkey                    diane hawkey

Dita Basu                            ankarshilpa

Donetta Farrington             Simply Gorgeous

Dyanne Everett-Cantrell     Deeliteful Jewelry Creations

Emma Todd                        A Polymer Penchant

Erin Kenny                         beadiful therapy

Erin Prais-Hintz                  Treasures Found

Gina Hockett                      Freestyle Elements

Gloria Allen                        Innovative Dreams Jewelry

Heather Marston                 CSW Designs

Inge von Roos                    Inge's Blog

Iveth Caruso                       Creative Atelier

Jacqueline Marchant          Fiddledeedee Jewelry

Jami Shipp                         Celebrating Life!

Jean Yates                          Snap Out of it Jean, There's Beading to Do!

Jennifer Reno                     Musings of a Crafty Jenny
 Jenny Robledo                   Peppa's Dream

Jennifer VanBenschoten    Jewelry, Art and Life
Jessica Klaaren                  Cellar Door Jewelry

Jessica Murray                   Whimsical Monkey

Joan Williams                     lilruby jewelry

Jo-Ann Woolverton            It's a Beadiful Creation

Joanne Browne                   josjewels1

Jodie Marshall                    Jodie Marshall Lampwork Beads Wearable Art

Johanna Rhodes                 Fire Phoenix Creations
 John Rasmussen                 Rasumussen Gems and Jewelry LLC

JuLee Wolfe                       The Polymer Penguin

Julie Bean                           Blue Pig Blog

Karen Mitchell                   Over the Moon Designs

Karin King                         The Sparklie Things Blog
 Karin Slaton                       Backstory Beads

Kat Douglas                       Washoe Kat's
 Kay Bolton                        Toodles and Binks

Kelly Hosford Patterson     The Traveling SideShow

Kim Ballor                          Vitamin C ... A Daily Does of Creativity

Kim Dworak                       CianciBlue

Kim Houston                       The Pink Martini
 Kym Hunter                         Kym Hunter Designs

Laren Dee Barton                Laren Dee Designs

Lea Avroch                          LA Jewelry Designs

Leanne Loftus                      First Impression Design

Liddy McLaughlin               Liddy McLaughlin Art

Linda Florian                       Lily's of the Valley Jewelry & Creative Creations

Linda Inhelder                     Must-Haves Jewelry

Lisa Hamilton                      Simply Irresistable Jewelry
Lisa Suver                            Fancee That

Lori Bowring Michaud        Artfully Ornamental

Lori Poppe                           Adventures in Creativity with Lorillijean

LouAnn Elwell                    Southpass Beads

Mandi Effron                       Craft-o-licious

Marcia DeCoster                 MadDesigns

Marcia Dunne                     The Alternative Foundry

Marie Covert                      Creating Interest

Marjorie Savill Linthwaite     bennubirdrising

Marlene Cupo                        Amazing Designs by Marlene

Martha Aleo                           Ornamento

Marti Conrad                          Marti's Buttons -n- Beads

Mary Ellen Parker                  BeeTree by m.e.

Mary Govaars                        MLH Jewelry Designs

Mary Lindell                          Mary Lindell Artisan Jewelry

Maureen Connolly                 Mrs Beadsley's Workshop

Maybeline Tay                       The Jewelry Larder

Melissa Elgin                         The Addicted Beader

Melissa Mesara                      one-eared pig beads

Menka Gupta                         Menka's Jewelry

Michaela Pabeschitz              la mar de bonita

Mischelle Fanucchi               Micheladas Musings

Mona Rae Baroody               Who Does She Bead She Is?

Nan Emmett                          Spirit Rattles -- Spirited Earth

Nancy Pedersen                    Something Heartfelt by Nancy

Natalie Davidson                  NorthShore Days
Nikki Douglas                      Bead It and Weep

Pam Farren                           re-maker

Pam, the Crazier Sister        The Crazy Creative Corner

Pam Traub                            Klassy Joolz
Priya Krish                           Hellopalz 
Rebecca Anderson               Song Beads

Rebecca Sirevaag                 Becca's Place

Robin Kae Reed                   Artistry HCBD

Rochelle Brisson                  a creative chelle

Rosa Maria Cuevas              Helena de Troya

Sabine Dittrich                     perlendschungel

Sandi Volpe                          Sandi Volpe

Sandra McGriff                    Creative Chaos

Sarah Goode                         Pookledo
Sarah Singer                         String a Song of Sixpence

Serena Trent                         All Things Made Jewelry

Shai Williams                       Shaiha's Ramblings
Sharon Palac                        Sharon's Jewelry Garden

Sharyl McMillian-Nelson    Sharyl's Jewelry & Reflections

Sheila Davis                         Stone Designs

Shelley Graham Turner        Fabric of My Life

Sherri Stokey                       Knot Just Macrame

Sherry Baun                         Unicorns Jewels

Skylar Bre'z                         Brising Beads

Stephanie Haussler              Pixybug Designs

Tania Spivey                        Moobie Grace Designs

Terri G.                                Blooming Ideas

Terry Carter                         Tapping Flamingo

Terry Matuszyk                    Pink Chapeau Vintage Jewelry

Toltec Jewels                       Jewel School Friends
Tracy Kruse                         Goldkisses Art

Tracy Martin                        Nutkitten's Jewelry

Zia Parks                              Anzi~Panzi's Work Shoppe

Zoe Marcin                          Beads, Tea and Sweets