Conversations about my favorite beads and lampwork bead makers, jewelry artists, indie and documentary films, gardening, food, Isaac Newton, Pinterest, and The Desire Map, all part of my continuing journey to become a better bead artist and super human being.
I've been feeling so stuck in indecision. What do I want to do? How do I want to get it done? What do I really love doing? What do I really need to do? All these questions have one thing deeply in common; they assume that only one choice can be made. Do you get my meaning?
I believe it is important to have faith that what I need will be provided. I believe it is important to have gratitude for what has been provided. But there are things that get in the way of my living life according to those beliefs. I get stuck thinking that all my good blessings are going to go away. I get stuck thinking that if I make the wrong decision, that will be "the end." This is a "scarcity" mind set.
This unhealthy train of thought runs through so many aspects of my life. It runs through the way I make beads; don't use that "special" glass because they don't make it anymore or they won't have it when I need it or I won't be able to afford more if I run out. It runs through the way I look for work; don't apply for this job because if I get it I won't be able to accept the other job I already applied for. I can't think of one instance that this way of thinking has served me positively.
So, I've been working on getting "unstuck". I've made a couple of declarations this week in my attempt to get out of the desert while I'm on stilts. I'm not sure how helpful the declarations will be, but I KNOW that they will not be the last declarations I ever make. And if declarations are the way to get unstuck, and these don't work, then there are others that can be made.
I have faith that I've been given an opportunity in this moment, and I am grateful for it, and I will make a choice to move forward, now, with full confidence in my abilities. I believe in me!
I
desire abundance! I declare that I have enough, and I want more! I have
enough time to do what I want to do. I have enough talent to do what I
want to do. I have enough love to give and receive. I have enough money
to pay the rent on time, and the rest of the bills late. I have enough
sun and water to grow my plants. I have enough bacon to make several
sandwiches. I have chips and a huge jar of pickles to go with said
sandwich. I have enough cd's to create a disc with a fix for that
computer. I have enough drive to do it and enough intelligence and savy
to do it. I want more, and I am vibrating at a frequency that matches
ALL that is in the vortex, waiting for me!!!!
Here in the Mother Lode (Murphys, California to be precise) we have a great little bead shop, Murphy's Bead Gallery. It is a "Gallery" in every sense when you walk in and see the amazing beaded pieces made by the owner Sue Horine.
I go into Sue's shop once a week; she's next door to the Murphy's Music Co. where my son takes guitar lessons. I love to chat with Sue about her art and techniques, as I paw through the beads in baskets and hanging on the walls. I swear I see something new every time. But there's almost always something I fondle every time I go in, and finally give in and buy it.
This week I had to have these turquoise shell coins!
As I created the jump rings I knew I'd need for each of the coins a vision of a mermaid tail came to mind.
I love working with wire, and the idea of a diamond shape covered in scales felt just right to show case the shimmeriness and pearliness of these beads.
I had to decide how big I wanted the pendant to be, and I had a limited number of beads, and then I would need to calculate how big to make the wire frame. I started by thcounting the number of coins I had and what number would make the widest row of the diamond. Then I threaded some coins on a wire, spaced the way I wanted them to hang, and measured that width. The problem was that they wouldn't stay lined up so I decided I needed beads between the coins; I found the perfect shade of metallic turquoise tubes to use as spacers.
I used the grid on my table as a measuring device and cut a length of wire long enough for the diamond shape as well as the bale and wrap. I created the bail by bringing both ends of the frame wire around a mandrel and wrapping them together at the neck using a finer gauge wire that would become the lattice support for the beads on the pendant.
After securing the bail I strengthened the wire, shaped in the diamond. I used a hard rubber mallet and that flat, iron, gadget which is actually a concrete curb shaper from the hardware store. I use my knees as a vice around the shaper's wooden handle (on the back side) and the flat side forms a table like surface.
I moved the bale ends up, and planned to create spirals with them. Now the fun begins. I decided to fill the top of the diamond with these great metallic and textured dark blue rounds. I began coiling one side of the diamond base just far enough to fit the bead in the crook; after coming out the other side of the bead I wrapped again around the frame to the point where the second row of dark blue beads would fit, adding a coin between them.
Then I resumed wrapping wire around the base until the next row would
cross under the coin on the first row about 3/4ths of the way down
(enough to show as much of the next row while keeping the first row from
falling behind it). I continued in this manner, adding a dark blue bead
to the beginning and end of each row, and using three lighter blue,
smaller tube beads as spacers between the coins.
To finish the pendant I made a spiral from the bail ends and spread the loops at the top to form a "v". Here are back and front views.
I hope you have enjoyed watching me work, and that it inspires you with some design ideas of your own! Here's an image you can pin to your own pinterest boards. Unitl next Tutes and Tubes Tuesday!
Have you seen this commercial?! I was shocked when I saw it;
things have changed so much on television. I swear I sometimes hear the f*bomb,
and often find myself saying, “When did they start allowing them to say ‘bitch’ on T. V.?”
George Carlin (theatlantic.com)
Don’t
get me wrong; I’m not beyond using “curse” words when they are appropriate for
what I want to say (so did George Carlin, a master of words). But there’s a little part of me that sees the deterioration
of decency, and the manipulation of the public viewer with humor and shock. It angers and disgusts me. I’m not disgusted only at the media for promoting
this change, but I’m angry (maybe more so) at the public who has allowed their
senses, and those of their children, to become numb and dumb and vulnerable to
such heinous manipulation. The young people who have grown up with this as a
norm have no idea that they are being manipulated and used by greedy people who
just want their dollar.
There's no place like Kansas! REALLY?
On the other hand, this is a really clever use of words and
funny just because they get away with it. I suppose not everyone is so easily
duped as I’ve worried about above, or is that just an excuse to forgive myself
for enjoying it, or is it me wearing “rose colored glasses”?
Here’s the story behind the commercial from creative-online (Ann-Christine Diaz). The article is peppered with curse words, in keeping with
the interview and creative discussion. The intention of the creators is to make
the joke evident and lasting. The impetus for the joke was the need to make
customers aware of a service that K Mart offered but wasn’t being used. From
this interview we can see that the manipulative intent of the creators of the
commercial is to make us laugh, and it is an intelligence based effort. Nothing
dumb or greedy about that. So, if we want to be angry about the dumbing down of
the viewers, we have to look at the need for the commercial, not the creation
or delivery of it; the latter is just art.
I guess it has been a week or so; that's a really long time after posting almost daily! I've been beading; I'm working on this ammonite and creating a Cellini Spiral as a component. I bought it at the Bay Area Bead Expo; I've been wanting to post about my trip there...soon I promise! I love the bed of "coral"; do you?
The impetus for my daily blogging was Danielle' LaPorte's The Desire Map, a program that is helping me set "Goals with Soul". I have been taking it slowly, going at my own pace, and not feeling pressured to "finish" or "catch up" and I'm not looking for a "miracle cure." I can't remember ever proceeding on a project in this way, and I'm LOVING the quality results with my pace and process.
This morning I decided to take the next step in the workbook, and look at my "long list" of Core Desired Feelings (CDFs): Lucrative, Prevalent, Enlightening, Unlimited, Luxurious, Nourished, Spectacular, Incomparable, and Flowing. I'm now looking for what is really behind wanting to feel these ways, and for feelings that overlap in all areas of my life. During this specific process Danielle notes,“But
let me point out something about the subtle but powerful way in which words
can orient our energy. They can steer us to look outward, or they can anchor us
to look inward, so we’re consciously looking to our inner power, or
unconsciously looking to the
outside world for what we want.”
What is wrong
with looking outside for what I want to feel? I want to be in a world that I
create; in the same time I want situations that permit me to create, I want
situations that GIVE to my being. Yes, creating the world means I look inward
to create the feelings I want, but that feels like work….I don’t want to work;
I want to produce. I want to be in environments that are conducive to my
production. I want to be able to distinguish the environment as conducive, or
not, by the way I feel. If the environment makes me feel nourished, I feel safe
in that environment. Yes, when a feeling is dependent on the outside, there is
the risk that feeling will go, be taken, away; “fearless” means that I feel
safe and faithful inside, enough that I don’t even consider that, or any other,
risk.
Is looking for
feelings that are dependent solely on my internally-realized desires another way of “doing”
and “giving”? What does the world look like when I am responsible for the
realization of all my feelings? Shouldn’t it be a simple choice, “I want to
feel nourishing; pooof! I’m nourishing”? Even if it’s not that simple, what
does the world look like when I’m nourished vs. nourishing? I want to feel
nourished means someone else cares about me enough to see my needs; it’s about
receiving love from the outside. I want to feel nourishing means I care enough
about myself and others to give love from the inside; does loving myself
include the desire for others to show they love me, to receive from the
outside? What is receiving love REALLY about? When someone cares enough to give
to me, they are approving of me; I am enough, I am good, I can trust, I will
feel safe. Aye, there’s the rub!
Would I rather
give or receive? If I give, I don’t rely on others for love. But that leaves me
feeling like I must be satisfied with receiving love from myself; my arm is
tired of patting my own back. I don’t feel loved by giving to myself, I feel
loving. When I don’t’ feel loved, resentment builds and then I look to myself
for why I don’t feel loved, and that starts the vicious cycle of
self-deprecation.
The two MOST
important questions, the ones that work best for me, are, “What would my life
be like?” and “What is it REALLY about for me?” As I go through the long list
of CDFs, and write the “real” feelings my core desires around these words, I
notice that I can often say “I want to BE”; this is so antithetic to “confident”,
as if I am not already these things….maybe I’m not….maybe it is ALL about
feeling confidence?
But I DO have confidence. Sometimes it fails me, and when it does I'll remember I'm the Queen of Bongo!
"Bangin' on my bongo all that swing belongs to me I'm so happy there's nobody in my place instead of me"
When Lori Anderson announced the Memories and Thanks Blog Hop the timing could not have been more perfect; I had just finished making a necklace full of honor for important people in my life. I called this necklace Talisman, and it was inspired in large part by Erin Prais Hinz. I posted about this necklace and Erin's inspirational role back in November, but at that time I hadn't really and truly made it an acknowledgement of love and thanks.
Much has happened since creating this necklace (including completely redesigning it!), so I'll begin where I left off in November, and give official "thanks" in honor of the many loves in my life.
S'elf by SuziFitz Beads
My very good friend, Suzi Fitzwaters, was looking for volunteers to go to the Bay Area Bead Expo, and I happened to be free. Suzi and I live an hour's drive from each other but rarely get together. But, when we do, watch out! We always have such a great time, and she's so sassy! Suzi is a lampwork artist too, and is known for her "S'elf" beads. She likes to experiment with glass, and once found a very cool reaction and made a small set of beads just for me. Look for the large lentil and two matching roundels in the most gorgeous blue with coppery spots in my talisman necklace. If it weren't for Suzi, I would not be able to make beads the way I can now; she gifted me her old torch and gave me such a great deal on her oxygen concentrator it may as well have been free!
This is my son Isaac, my daughter Hillary, and my grand daughter Lydia (Z-girl). Isaac and Hillary are 13 years apart. Both my kids have grown to be such amazing people, and now we have little Z (Her name was almost Zadora, which I loved). I'm proud of both of them and it will be such a pleasure to watch them continue to do amazing things in the world. On my necklace is a charm I had made for my son when our beloved pug, Max, died. The picture was taken in Portland and is one of my favorites.
This is a U.S. Army Combat Infantry Badge 1st Award. It belonged to my father; he served 3 tours in Viet Nam during his Army career. My father died when he was 50. I never realized how very young that is, until now as I approach 50. I miss him very much and I'm sure he visited my Isaac when he was a baby. I feel his presence still. He's the third from the left in this picture of him with his siblings.
These are the beads I won from Erin. I had expressed this prize as my favorite because of the large focal, and it's Indian feel. My favorite bead I've ever made, because of how it felt to make it, is the Buddha in this necklace; it has been waiting for Erin's focal. You will find all of these beads in the necklace, along with my birthstone (raw Amethyst), a quartz point and a chunk of raw quartz with chlorite (bittersweet memories); these beads pay tribute to me, and all that I am. Here is the woman to whom "all that I am" is attributable to, my dear mother, Uta.
Please visit the other "blog hoppers" sharing their memories and tributes; the list at the bottom is clickable or you can click here.
And now, I present with heartfelt and never-ending gratitude, "Talisman"
This week I had to have these turquoise shell coins!
I moved the bale ends up, and planned to create spirals with them. Now the fun begins. I decided to fill the top of the diamond with these great metallic and textured dark blue rounds. I began coiling one side of the diamond base just far enough to fit the bead in the crook; after coming out the other side of the bead I wrapped again around the frame to the point where the second row of dark blue beads would fit, adding a coin between them.
Then I resumed wrapping wire around the base until the next row would
cross under the coin on the first row about 3/4ths of the way down
(enough to show as much of the next row while keeping the first row from
falling behind it). I continued in this manner, adding a dark blue bead
to the beginning and end of each row, and using three lighter blue,
smaller tube beads as spacers between the coins.
My very good friend, Suzi Fitzwaters, was looking for volunteers to go to the Bay Area Bead Expo, and I happened to be free. Suzi and I live an hour's drive from each other but rarely get together. But, when we do, watch out! We always have such a great time, and she's so sassy! Suzi is a lampwork artist too, and is known for her "S'elf" beads. She likes to experiment with glass, and once found a very cool reaction and made a small set of beads just for me. Look for the large lentil and two matching roundels in the most gorgeous blue with coppery spots in my talisman necklace. If it weren't for Suzi, I would not be able to make beads the way I can now; she gifted me her old torch and gave me such a great deal on her oxygen concentrator it may as well have been free! 
This is my son Isaac, my daughter Hillary, and my grand daughter Lydia (Z-girl). Isaac and Hillary are 13 years apart. Both my kids have grown to be such amazing people, and now we have little Z (Her name was almost Zadora, which I loved). I'm proud of both of them and it will be such a pleasure to watch them continue to do amazing things in the world. On my necklace is a charm I had made for my son when our beloved pug, Max, died. The picture was taken in Portland and is one of my favorites. 
This is a U.S. Army Combat Infantry Badge 1st Award. It belonged to my father; he served 3 tours in Viet Nam during his Army career. My father died when he was 50. I never realized how very young that is, until now as I approach 50. I miss him very much and I'm sure he visited my Isaac when he was a baby. I feel his presence still. He's the third from the left in this picture of him with his siblings. 
These are the beads I won from Erin. I had expressed this prize as my favorite because of the large focal, and it's Indian feel. My favorite bead I've ever made, because of how it felt to make it, is the Buddha in this necklace; it has been waiting for Erin's focal. You will find all of these beads in the necklace, along with my birthstone (raw Amethyst), a quartz point and a chunk of raw quartz with chlorite (bittersweet memories); these beads pay tribute to me, and all that I am. Here is the woman to whom "all that I am" is attributable to, my dear mother, Uta. 
