There are Infinte Choices

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I've been feeling so stuck in indecision. What do I want to do? How do I want to get it done? What do I really love doing? What do I really need to do?  All these questions have one thing deeply in common; they assume that only one choice can be made. Do you get my meaning?

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I believe it is important to have faith that what I need will be provided. I believe it is important to have gratitude for what has been provided. But there are things that get in the way of my living life according to those beliefs. I get stuck thinking that all my good blessings are going to go away. I get stuck thinking that if I make the wrong decision, that will be "the end." This is a "scarcity" mind set.

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This unhealthy train of thought runs through so many aspects of my life. It runs through the way I make beads; don't use that "special" glass because they don't make it anymore or they won't have it when I need it or I won't be able to afford more if I run out. It runs through the way I look for work; don't apply for this job because if I get it I won't be able to accept the other job I already applied for. I can't think of one instance that this way of thinking has served me positively.

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So, I've been working on getting "unstuck". I've made a couple of declarations this week in my attempt to get out of the desert while I'm on stilts. I'm not sure how helpful the declarations will be, but I KNOW that they will not be the last declarations I ever make. And if declarations are the way to get unstuck, and these don't work, then there are others that can be made.

I have faith that I've been given an opportunity in this moment, and I am grateful for it, and I will make a choice to move forward, now, with full confidence in my abilities. I believe in me!

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I desire abundance! I declare that I have enough, and I want more! I have enough time to do what I want to do. I have enough talent to do what I want to do. I have enough love to give and receive. I have enough money to pay the rent on time, and the rest of the bills late. I have enough sun and water to grow my plants. I have enough bacon to make several sandwiches. I have chips and a huge jar of pickles to go with said sandwich. I have enough cd's to create a disc with a fix for that computer. I have enough drive to do it and enough intelligence and savy to do it. I want more, and I am vibrating at a frequency that matches ALL that is in the vortex, waiting for me!!!!

Yeah! New Beads listed!

If you want more information you can go to my shop here. Keep your eyes open because I have a few more listings coming up AND a new posting format including "Tubes n' Tutes Tuesday" "WeDesire Wednesday" and "Free Bead Friday"!

My New Year's Eve Diary

Hello readers,  I think I want to start a new blog that is more directed toward self discovery and separate that from my bead and jewelry and art blog. I finally created a Cellini Spiral and made a gorgeous necklace out of it for New Years. I will take a picture soon and post. Now I've started another one! I'm also going to be doing a reveal for my Memories Bead Soup very soon! In the mean time, here's a diary entry from my New Years Eve festivities!

I watched Dr. Phil yesterday; he talked about asking oneself “What am I serving with this thought/action?” I fell onto The Secret movie this morning; it brings home manifestation of what you want through feelings and visualization and changing attitudes to those of abundance or presence. I see the connection with The Desire Map. I have already realized that the simple thoughts of my desire for feelings manifest very quickly in my life.

I was a little afraid to go out by myself on New Year’s Eve. I wanted to feel “beautiful” and as I was putting on makeup and deciding what to wear, my inner dialogue was saying “not TOO beautiful, not TOO noticeable, not TOO intimidating” and the reply was “I want to be beautiful because I want to be seen, I want to be admired, the “too” is someone else’s judgment, not my own. I desire to be beautiful and seen.” I also reminded myself that I desire community and feeling connected. I was worried that I wouldn’t feel welcomed by people I already knew and that I would not have a desired place to sit at dinner. I also desired to have enough money and not spend more than I had; at the time I thought I had $10.00. I had only $5 and that was all I ended up needing all night long!

When I walked into the lodge, I was immediately greeted by friends, with hugs, and kisses, and compliments on how beautiful I looked. I walked through saying “Happy New Year” and giving hugs. I walked into the dining room because I wanted to greet the wife of a friend; as I looked around I didn’t see anyone else I knew and worried a little about where I would sit and hoped I would receive an invitation. I quickly retreated into the smoking room, and took a breath of relief that no one was there and that I was alone. Then I went back into the dining room where even more had gathered. I saw some friends at a table with seats open and when I got there, there were names reserving the empty seats, however the people already sitting said, no these are open, and invited me to stay; I felt wanted. That feeling lasted the rest of the night. We had a wonderful dinner and took our bottle of champagne with us into the social quarters where they were doing Karaoke. As I looked for a place to sit, I was asked to join the same group I had dinner with. As they pulled out a chair, specifically for me, I felt wanted. I sang from my seat as did my table mates, wanting to hold the microphone, but feeling that I didn’t want to be that noticeable, I remained, content to sing from my seat. I took time to wander and mingle as well. Eventually, I did sing with the microphone, and was a little embarrassed by the surprise and adulation. I had an immensely good time.

After leaving I stopped at the resort lounge on the way home. Some of my favorite people were there, and a drink was bought for me. I got lots of truly beautiful hugs and thoroughly enjoyed people watching; I even danced by myself in the huge crowd. At one point I noticed a gentleman who had been waiting for service a loooooong time; I told the bar tender and she served him right away and he was happy. 

I noticed another friend I hadn’t seen in a long time as he was being served across the bar; I got his attention and toasted the air to him. He came over and gave me a biiiiiig hug. This young man is very different, and very young, and all the compliments he had given me in the past seemed less than genuine, but he STILL gave them this night, and they were truly genuine, and I didn’t feel embarrassed or the need to make excuses; I just accepted them as truth, like a gift, and felt grateful. 

I had been noticing another man; he resembled the Unabomber a little, always wearing his hoodie on his head. He wandered back and forth, sometimes seeming like he wanted my attention; I avoid people, men, who want my attention because I think they only want sex. Toward the end of the evening I noticed this same man, sitting in a chair, looking somewhat in pain. I noticed someone else looking at him as well, but with great caution and fear more than concern. I walked over to the young man whose hood was over his head and his head was buried in his arms, like a shield from things he did not want to see or hear. I just asked him if he was going to be okay, and did he have someone who would take care of him. He looked up and said, “Thank you SO much for asking; you have no idea how that makes me feel, you have no idea how important to me it is.” I hugged him tightly, and looked authentically into his face, grateful but wordless for the acknowledgement. I touched his cheek, and was amazed at how soft his skin was and how contradictory that softness was to his appearance. I asked him if he had people in the bar that he was with or was he alone; he assured me he was not alone so I felt that he was safe. I told the bartender to watch out for him and keep others away from him that might do him harm; she understood completely and perfectly and with great intention promised her guard. 

Earlier there was a woman, about 15 years older than myself, and as she went to the bar to order she was singing and dancing. I saw her again, dancing her heart out. When the band was done for the night I was leaving, and this woman was helping the band load their equipment into the van outside. From a 20 foot distance I stopped, turned around, pointed at her, and yelled, “Woman, you ROCK!” She was floored, and so incredibly grateful, and said, “You have no idea what that means to me. Thank you sister.” And I went toward her, hugged her tightly, thanked her for the opportunity to let her know, and thanked her for acknowledging how much I meant to her. I felt so good, so joyous, so loving and so loved.

That day I had talked about advocacy as a core desire, but struggled with a single word for the “feeling” of advocacy. I manifested within myself the response of advocacy where ever I went that evening. I manifested beauty, love, community, and connection. I felt love and joy and graciousness. I felt sooooo good.

I noticed last week or so that I could identify characteristics that I was not already, and realized that I needed to focus on feelings that I want MORE of, not that I want to create from scratch. I need to look at what I already feel and desire more of it, rather than what I lack. It isn’t about finding the perfect word, it’s about finding the perfect feeling and describing it with words and then declaring that I want more of that feeling and then visualizing that in my world and what the world looks like with me in it “that way.”

Watching the Pot Boil

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As many bloggers know, as they watch to see if their subscriber numbers have increased (like a watched pot of water...will it boil?!), It's so nice, when someone acknowledges my presence, as happened today. I received such a nice compliment on yesterday's post, how the person identified so deeply with what I had written, thanking me for the palpable experience. I had to go back and read again, because I'd forgotten what I had written (or was I just so in shock at being noticed and so affective?! Affect v. Effect = emotion v. consequence).

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If I can't remember what I wrote, why did I write it? Why do any of us publish what we write? I want to be noticed. But I didn't remember what I'd written, even though I was successful in getting noticed; does WHAT I write really matter? I think it does, because I'm motivated to write by moments I find very poignant; they seem so important to me at that time, that I must share them. But is it the words that I must share, or is it the feeling they give me, or is it amazement, or is it self-importance begging for attaboys? Or maybe, I just write them to avoid feeling them, the words to be stored perhaps to be read another day, digested and vomited another time, or not. Or maybe I'm questioning all these feelings to avoid the confirmation that my words and thoughts ARE important, they ARE read, they DO have an effect on others. Perhaps my questioning is all a way for me to avoid ....my....self....

Anatomy of a Tear, Mona Rae Baroody

As I read yesterday's post again, I was stopped by these words "I want to feel safe, I want to feel love, I want to feel worth, I want to be vulnerable to feel need and reliance. I want to feel connected and related. I want to feel comfortable with receiving; I want to feel grateful. I want to feel pride without vanity. I want to feel like I am me, openly. I want to feel accepted."

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My heart squeezed so tight, my sinuses clamped, my eyes hot and swelling, I slam one hand over my chest and the other over my mouth, as I struggle to breathe without crying, or continue living without breathing. Why do I want what I want? Why do I say "I want"? When I get it, why does my heart hurt soooooooo much? Perhaps if I continue to ask "why" I can continue to avoid ...my .....self

Today I felt love. Today I felt important. Today I felt connected. At this moment of outpouring I feel vulnerable, yet I also feel COMPLETELY safe. I have received, and survived it today. I am grateful for the connection of another, I am proud to give what they received, I am accepted as not so different after all. All that feels good, but what is it that causes this pain; could it be that I'm afraid of being what I already am? Could it be that I continue to reject exactly what I asked for when it is so freely, loving, and generously given? Is it that I STILL don't think I'm worthy of it? Is it humility?

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 What will it take to love my self? What will happen that motivates me rejoice in my greatness? I am SO powerful...it scares me.

 "There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside of you." Maya Angelou

It's a new dawn, it's a new day.....

and I'm feeling gooooood! What is it about songs that sum up feelings so well?! I hope you don't mind yet another song reference, but these days I am doing what makes me FEEL good.

If you are new to my blog, you've joined me in the infancy of my journey with Danielle LaPorte's Desire Map. The Desire map is a book, a program, a way of thinking about the ways of feelings. The premise is that instead of making goals based on the thing we want to achieve, we should make goals that are in line with how we want to feel when we achieve them. As a simple example, you may have set a goal to own a Mercedes Benz because you hope you will look good when you get it; instead make your goal today to do what makes you feel wealthy and admirable. The idea is that your actions today will lead you to the place you need to be, have the things you want, because you do what makes you feel the way you want to feel. The feelings that are the most important to you are your "Core Desired Feelings"; the feelings that drive you to do what you do, the feelings that you want to feel more often.

Danielle's book has a list of 160+ "feelings/desires" to inspire the reader. Today I went through all of them and I highlighted those that resonated with me; I made thoughtful notes when they were especially strong. Then I went over all of them again and put a check next to those I feel I already AM. Then something started to click; when I am thinking about how the desires make me feel, I'm feeling the vibration of the desire and automatically I think "I want to feel more of that or less of that" I'm paying attention to both what I want and do not want, at this point, but when I think about what I want more of, I feel motivated to think about how to get it.

The other day I posted the haloed Buddha picture here, and afterward I added some core desired feelings for the day. Since that time, I've been one very creative, compassionate, and eloquent ball of fire! I've been blogging every day (I feel I've written with eloquence). I've made artistic "posters" and a Zen Tangle that ties into my writing and discoveries, and I've gotten busy with MonaRAEbeads business and sold a LOT of beads!

My first post about the desire map describes a character on the Bravo TV reality show, Shahs of Sunset. I fell in love with Asa, and I described what I admired so much about her. Then I had an AHA moment! I was already those things I admired in her, I needed to acknowledge that those characteristics are already in me. So, I created a poster, which has become my profile picture on Facebook. I love it!

The Desire Map program has an open Facebook page where we can discuss our moments with the program. I posted that I felt goal-less. I had a realization that it was okay, that it didn't mean I lacked ambition, but rather that I get to start with a clean canvas from which to create new goals based on my desires. So I created a poster that celebrates what I am grateful for.

Yesterday I posted my essay poster about being centered. I used the metaphor of a teeter totter to explore my feelings, and how my feelings change. I wrote from a very raw, authentic place, giving the reader a real-time sense of my thought process. Later in that day, I asked myself how I wanted to feel and it was still "creative". I had been wanting to do a Zen Tangle for more than a year, and my son had barely touched his kit that I bought him. So, I turned on the audio book of Desire Map and listened to Danielle read the book to me while I did my very first Zen Tangle. Can you see the teeter totter balanced on the triangular fulcrum? It came through without my intention to draw it, it was just something I was already focused on being...centered! 

Between the blogging yesterday, and the Zen Tangling in the afternoon, I decided to have a sale in my Etsy shop. I haven't made beads in a while and part of the reason is that I have so many, it doesn't feel good or justified to make more until I get rid of what I have. And I'm not happy with the jewelry I've made most recently (won't even list it!) I wanted to feel unburdened by the fact that they are just sitting here; I wanted to feel free of them so much I was ready to just give them away. So, I am giving a discount of 50% for those buyers who subscribe to my website, and 30% to those who don't want to subscribe (subscribers also get an additional coupon of 15% off, coupons cannot be combined). AND if you spend more than $100.00 I will pay for priority shipping in the USA. Then I got busy checking the inventory, designing a member's email, creating a coupon code (which you will get if you subscribe or just go to my ETSY store for 30%), creating a flyer, posting on the web site, and pinning on Pinterest. I've had some sales but there's still a lot left for you, beads and jewelry!

I'm finding very, very quickly, that when I focus on how I want to feel, my "goals with soul" are attended to automatically. I chose to be creative, eloquent, and compassionate for a day...DAYS ago. And even as I write this, I am satisfied, satiated, that my time has been spent better than, and in accordance with what I want, who I want to be, and how I want to feel....better than ANY other thing I could have decided to do.

I want to invite you to attend an online n with Danielle tomorrow, 12/19/12, at noon PST. It's free, so if you are curious, doubtful, feeling like it, please sign up for the link here.

 

Join Me on the Teeter Totter

"But if in your fear you would seek only love’s peace and love’s pleasure,
then it is better for you that you cover your nakedness and pass out of
love’s threshing-floor, into the seasonless world where you shall laugh, but
not all of your laughter, and weep, but not all of your tears."
—Khalil Gibran

It's raining. It's quiet. It's warm with my coffee and blanket and fire in the wood stove. I'm absorbing The Desire Map, slowly.

In the list of "150+ Positive Feelings" the first significant feeling I highlight is "centered". I FEEL the desire, I hear the word "fulcrum", I see the image of a teeter totter. I am desiring balance. I write.

I would like to invite you to a FREE, online conversation that I will be attending on Wednesday, 12/19/12. It is hosted by Danielle LaPorte (author of The Desire Map) and Eric Handler (co-founder of Positively Positive) both of whom are hottttt!

CLICK HERE TO GET YOUR INVITE TO "DESIRE, GOALS, AND SOUL: HOW TO MAKE 2013 YOUR BEST YEAR EVER!"

To Dream the Impossible Dream (Hmmm another song title!)

How do I want to feel today? My daily transformational question, gifted by the Desire Map. I want to feel creative, compassionate, and eloquent.

I had the best dream this morning, which surprises me. It surprises me because I went to bed tired enough to sleep at 10:30, got on my Facebook in bed, became engrossed and agitated by a post about mental illness, and didn't fall asleep until about 12:30. I've been having dreams in the last 2 months that have been totally atypical for me.

In this dream I was in India, and I was in the offices of my old job at Position 2.  I had blonde hair and actually had just had a conversation with a woman at the counter of the beauty shop as I paid for my services on the way out. I was cleaning a dishwasher that was also a clothes washer. Kelly Greene was there and so was a young man who was her boyfriend. Kelly had the power of telekinesis and she made a large book fly through the air and hit the boyfriend. The two made me feel like they were the couple from Twilight.

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Next I was outside, and there was a kind of rummage sale. One of the guys, maybe Avinash, was showing off his find of these beautiful orange-brown, lotus shaped, ceramic bowls, with matching dipping trays. And I got excited to find some of my own and Avinash had a microphone in one hand and started singing about all the Indian  foods you can put in the bowls, and I sang with him about all the other foods and objects I could put in the bowl, and it was fun and funny, very Bollywood comical. Then off to the market I went. I began to feel desperate that I wouldn't find the bowls because there was so much stuff to look at, but then not only did I find them, but the ones I had found were different than the ones Avinash had. The bowls I had found were a turquoise-green/blue and they were not lotus shaped, they were Buddha shaped! They had five lobes, one for the head, two for the arms, two for the folded knees and flat on the bottom. And the dipping trays of the same color were about 1/2" deep with the same outline shape but they were not bowls, they were miniature trays for individual servings. If I had clay I would make them all right now!

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As I continued through the market and looked at many different things, I came to a stand where one older woman was laying down on a step riser where many of the wares surrounded her, and another more agile, younger (but older than me) woman sat with her legs tucked under her on the ground below. As I bent over to pick something up from one of the steps, I dropped something, but not out of clumsiness but rather out of loss of control of my body. And I felt like I knew what to do to respond to my body, but I was scared, and the women were not scared but were concerned. My entire body seized, and there was a pain (like when something you swallow gets stuck in your esophagus) which radiated out from my chest. I was not thinking "heart attack" so I don't think I was having one; instead I was thinking "you know how to handle this, relax, focus on the pain, find your center, So, Hum, breath". I closed my eyes, as I felt my body's falling sensation. And my mantra began...So (inhale) Hum (exhale) focus, and my third eye focused on a vision of a batik of Buddha with radiating light surrounding and going outward in rays from the head. And just like that, at that moment of clarity the pain went away, I had control of my body, I opened my eyes, I was still standing (maybe never really fell), and I took a deep breath. As I began my mantra, I was humming Ohm, and the two women also had been humming Ohm, and as they were humming I could feel their desire to help me and the confidence that prayer was the absolute only thing that could be done.

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As I paid for my wares, leaving the market, another woman was at the counter. I didn't immediately recognize her, but she recognized me (I could tell by the way she was looking at me, with curiosity, not necessarily friendliness). She had her glasses on when I saw her earlier, but I remembered being impressed with her clothing, and it was that same clothing that brought recognition to me, because I had never seen her eyes until now. I said "Hello" in a way to acknowledge her stares, but also in a way that kept away conversation. There was an undercurrent of "I know you know me but you don't know me and you don't want to know me but you are compelled to know more about me and you want to take from me and I want to give to you but I do not trust you" and I felt drawn, and she felt drawn, and I felt fear and curiosity, and she felt desire and hate and love.

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I left and found myself going back to Position 2, walking joyfully with two other women, both younger, and hopping down the planter ledge, and giving my hand to the younger woman to help her down the ledge. And she asked, "How do you do that so easily, do you have a young child?" I respond, "Yes I do, but he's not a baby any more, he's tall now, very, very tall." That is the end of the dream, and I awake feeling like I'd been to a movie starring me. But I think the most important character was the woman in the sunglasses. So Hum, I Am....the woman in the glasses.


So that's "creative"; I think I'll post this to Story Lane. Now for compassionate and eloquent (well, maybe one might consider what I've written already to be eloquent); I had the intention of being both at the same time to communicate what agitates me as much as my dream gave me pleasure. Gun Control....you wanna talk about it, fine, but talk about the facts and the truth and for God's sake, do not anthropomorphize it, giving it the power to kill. A gun is a tool used by another to kill, whether they shoot a human or an animal or plant; people kill people and unlike corporations, guns are not people (snarky pun intended.)

My Fave! FunnyJunk.com

Don't talk about gun control without talking about the fact that more gun control cannot stop the problem that incited the conversation, the elementary school shooting. The only way to stop the problem is to understand the people who commit the crime, who pull the trigger. What is their mind like, their life, their environment? Understand they are different, the people and the reasons, from each other, that there is not just one explanation or type of person we can "keep from buying guns." If guns were not available at all, other weapons would be used. One death is as important as many, so really, the issue should not be that these are "mass" killings, but killings at all. The issue is the condition of being human in our society. Sometimes we can do something about the conditions of potential killers, however sometimes we cannot. When we can make life more joyous for another we should. When we cannot prevent a killer from killing, we must do what we can to protect everyone from violent outcomes. But we CAN NOT go around making blanket judgments that the mentally ill should be prevented from buying guns. What we can do is pay attention to who is buying enough weapons and body armor and ammunition that combine to a lethal threat should that be the intention.

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It seems to me a very simple solution. A computer database that analyzes purchases, which we already have in online shopping; "People who purchased this item also looked at these other items." To satisfy the needs of more control, we can require registration of all purchases of ammunition, chemicals, fire arms, body armor, and other materials that are factors in the equation we are trying to avoid completion of. As a database continually analyzes these purchases, a red flag can be raised when conditions are met that can be considered lethal. These people who have met these conditions should be simply asked their intentions, not arrested, nor harassed, just asked point blank "Why have you purchased these items, show them to us and how they are being stored." It does not matter if they are mentally ill, because not all people with mental illness kill, and not all killers have mental illness. Unfortunately we must trust a system that fails on a regular basis to allow us our freedom to live and protect and prepare ourselves, regardless of how we see fit to do that on a person by person basis. That is what will cause the down fall of our society, as it has increasingly already become the cause of mass killings and other crimes; our corrupt system of humans with power, who are not responsible, compassionate, or intelligent enough to wield that power.

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BOOM!

How do I want to feel? Whole and complete and effective.

Much love,

Mona

Do You Feel Like I Do?

It has been a long week with four days of substituting. Last week I left the classroom feeling frustrated because I just didn’t feel like I communicated, and as a result my students didn’t “get it.” I began reading the “DesireMap” after that experience, and much has transformed simply as a result of asking myself, at any given moment, “How do I want to FEEL?”

On the morning drive to my first day of teaching this week, I declared that I wanted to feel calm and patient. The student I have the most trouble with must have declared feeling “focused”, because we “got it” together and tears actually welled up in my eyes. I’ve had many successes before, but this was different; I’ve never FELT such overwhelming happiness for my students before.

I’ve felt like writing at many moments this week, but have been too busy and exhausted; last night I went to bed at 8:30 pm and slept for 10 hours! This morning I watched Shahs of Sunset (a reality show about a group of Persian people in Hollywood…can’t help this guilty pleasure, it’s the voyeur in me!) for the first time. There is one character who I fell in love with and wanted to be more outwardly like her, because she reflects the parts of me I suppress. She’s beautiful, exotic, and brave. She wears cultural clothes and jewelry and makeup. She’s artistic and expresses her soul both on the canvas and music. She’s fun. She’s adored. She’s unaffected by the greatness that she is, and the greatness others openly express that they see and admire in her. Wow, I AM her. 

Can you guess who I'm in love with?

 “You are not chasing the goal…you are chasing the feelings that you hope attaining those goals will give you.” Danielle LaPorte, The Desire Map. I feel rather goal-less; I think I am wallowing in that feeling rather than looking to see if it is true.

Am I living life with a goal in mind? I make glass beads, but not as often as I want, and when I do, I don’t have the same confidence I used to. Have I really lost interest in the art, or have I become too critical of my abilities? More importantly, what is the feeling I am hoping it will give me?

I am a substitute teacher in special education. I went to school for my credential, received it, but have not been hired as a teacher on a full time basis; but why do I want to do that? I know if I get hired I will feel valued, and I will feel that I have a career, making my parents proud. I have forever felt that I am a failure, not finding a traditional way in life to give me financial freedom and responsibility; if I had this “job” would I feel “worthy”?

I am not as passionate about being in a classroom on a regular basis as I am passionate about advocating for students, their caregivers, and their teachers in the special education setting. I REALLY want to make a difference on a much bigger scale than meeting curriculum goals; I want to inform people of their rights, help them create tools, give them mechanisms that will enable them to be academically and socially and personally capable of meeting the educational demands placed on them. For some reason, should that be my goal, I cannot define the “feeling” I hope that will give me; is it fame, fortune, acceptance, importance, pride, worth, all of the above?

Thanks for the guitar Grandma and Mom!

I have been struggling with this search for self for the last 12 years. This week my son turned 16; I am giving him the gift of not having the same pain during his own search. On his birthday morning we went early for Starbucks’ free birthday coffee, and we had an amazing conversation about what is important, what is happy, what drives our goals, and how do we make choices. My son is amazing, and ahead of the game. His thought process is clear, mature, and he is confident. I have always had a hard time accepting the compliments others have given to me for the beauty that my son authentically is; today I own that I have had a great part in allowing him to become who he is meant to be.

I just get stuck there, in that space of knowing that if I never do anything else in life before I die, I have done the most important thing anyone can ever do. I hope my mother feels the same.

With much love for all of you readers, have a good day, and do what you want to feel!

Accentuate the Positive

Just need to write about my adventure in #DesireMap. Woke at 3:33 am (what a number huh?!). Layed (is that the right spelling for the meaning?!) in bed, mind occupied on the past (negative memories) for an hour. Decided to have breakfast and engage in reading more of Danielle LaPorte's Desire Map.

Being aware is exhausting some times. I'm aware of all that I need to do today. I'm aware of all that I want to do today. There is nothing that I DON'T want to do, but it seems there's not enough day to do it all, AND considering I was up at such an early hour, there won't be enough energy to do it all. Sigh.

I'm aware that reading Desire Map is exciting me, driving me, inspiring me. I'm aware that while I want to swallow it whole, I NEED to slow down and digest. It isn't that I fear choking, but rather I desire to be nourished and grow. And just as those words are "drying" I get it....I get IT. Yeah me!

I was arguing with myself about taking the time to write, and now I'm so glad I did. This is an example of how doing what makes me feel good, rather making my goals according to my desires, gives positive results. And I also recognize, in this moment, that happened very, very, VERY quickly, with MINIMAL EFFORT....boy, that's just the way I like my equation for "Effort".

Photo Courtesy of Kali Segrino.blogspot.com

Glad I'm taking it slowly because I also discovered what my body does when a feeling is "real". It happened when I read "Kali Mama Goddess". It's the word "Kali" that literally squeezed my heart, put pressure on my sinuses, and caused tears to well; I felt recognition. I have a tapestry hanging on my studio wall of Kali. The colors are beautiful and brilliant and audacious, as is the subject.




On a final note, one of the chapters is titled "Accentuate the Positive." Here's what my memory immediately recalled.