Sunday, July 29, 2012

How to Make Money Flow

First, a picture of my beads last week. Only three, but one of them broke; I like the yellow one with purple flowers. The gray/black/coral combo didn't turn out quite the way I wanted; the dark is lighter than I imagined.

Courtesy of Market Playground
In my last blog post, How to Get What You Need, I had a discussion about money (or the lack thereof), and received a wonderful comment from RC about how money flows; you MUST read it if you are having trouble with the direction of money in your own life.

Money is like a river, and it flows; when you hold on to money, it cannot move. We've all heard the phrase, "You can't take it with you", as well as the phrase, "You have to spend money to make money." Of the latter, I've always thought you have to spend money as an investment to get a return in the same class as the investment. For example, I spent money to start my website again and I'm hoping the flow will return in the sale of beads on the web site. Well, it doesn't have to be a specifically directed release, it just has to be a release. As long as you are holding tight to your money, you are stopping the flow, you are stopping it's journey away from, AND BACK AGAIN to you. 

Courtesy of Grieving.Org
It is about faith. That post also discussed having what you need versus what you want. I've been in this financial situation before, but then it didn't worry me as much; I had faith that God would provide what I needed, exactly when I needed it. Sometimes fear gets in the way of faith. So, I stopped being in fear and treated myself to a beer at the Moose Lodge, and had an awesome time on $5.00!

I also discussed giving as a way of receiving, and the realization that people need me to be "Mona" and that is how I give, and that isolating myself was keeping me from giving to, and receiving from, others. So on Saturday I visited friends, had a wonderful dinner, and wonderful fun.

God has her way of waking us up and making us see. It turns out that one sentence was repeated each night: "I was beginning to get really worried about you." It was time for all the elements to come back together. I'm grateful for every day, every one in it, and every moment as it is. My heart is open again.

In the bead world, The International Society of Glass Beadmakers (ISGB) is looking for instructors and talented presenters at the Gathering event in 2013. The ISGB is THE authority for glass artists, and to be a presenter or instructor you have to be a MAJOR artist, at least that is what I always felt. The best of the best teach and present here. People go to the Annual Gathering from far away, points international, to taste from the golden cup of glass perfection and innovation. I wonder if I could ever be that good!? If I made beads every day I might be that good;  if I worked on my brand every day I could be that desirable.

This year’s Gathering is in Washington, and begins this week! I would love to take classes if I were there. Classes are available in so many artistic medium from felt, to metal, to glass, and combinations of some of them too. 

Two of the mini classes (offered at night) that I would attend:
Cynthia Toops is doing a class on polymer clay combined with glass.
Heather Trimlett is teaching a two day class on making perfectly round beads and even twisty cane. I love Heather’s work! (Image courtesy of Jelveh Designs)

I don’t know how I would choose a regular class; the choices are incredible! 
Judy Carlson is teaching a fish making class

One of my faves, Marcy Lamberson, is teaching. She makes the most whimsical beads.

Kristina Logan is teaching. She’s the queen of dot placement, control, and dragging glass!

Margaret Zinzer is teaching. She’s the queen of insect inspirations!

One of the non-torch classes I would take is a photography class with Doug Baldwin. The beads in this picture are made with dichroic and metallic glass. These glass types shift color and luster depending on light and are very very difficult to capture on film! Doug Baldwin knows how to do it!

Please feel free to pin my blog to your Boards

that way you can share all the beautiful beads at once!

Wednesday, July 25, 2012

How to Get What You Need

Today I realized why I’ve been in such a funk. And by funk, I mean way down deep sad and tired of this life. I have been isolating myself from the world, from real people. 

I’ve been staying home because I cannot afford to go out. I cannot afford the gas, I cannot afford $5 to play pool, and I’m constantly worried about money. I feel like I’ve forgotten how to smile and I just don’t want to subject anyone to that.

Courtesy of LoveScott
Today’s meditation, and yesterday’s visit with my friend Nancy were very enlightening to me. Today’s meditation focuses on a giving heart and emphasizes that you almost never give of your heart without receiving something back; when you are feeling a lack, just give and that feeling will be resolved. I am a giver of my heart, and my heart relies on being around people, giving my energy, sharing, and learning. I need to go back to having faith that what I need will happen for me.

Courtesy of Amber Avines
I’ve been feeling in limbo and disappointed that I’m not getting what I want, and not even sure of what I want. Yesterday I realized that maybe what I want is not what I need. Maybe I don’t need to conform to the expectations of others; maybe I don’t need a traditional job. Maybe what I need is to appreciate myself for someone who can do anything and when I do things I love doing I am always successful. Maybe I need to remember that great reward does not come without great risk.

Courtesy of Design Seeds
Today I made beads, and for the first time in a long time, I loved doing it. I followed my heart and allowed no restrictions. I made a coral black and gray bead, like the dress I mentioned in an earlier post. I made a bead with lots of texture and explored a new shape. I made a bead that was inspired by Design Seeds. And I made a bead totally from my own imagination and that one is going to be soooooooo beautiful! I’m so excited to see them come out of the kiln tomorrow!

Courtesy of WakeupCloud
So, with my new found energy for beads, and self, I’m going to continue with my journey toward social media marketing both in my bead business and in my professional life. I am not sure what shape it will take, but I will follow my instincts and unique inspirations and Just. Do. It!

Saturday, July 21, 2012

I am Lakshmi, Growing from the Lotus in the Desert

Courtesy of The Village Family Services
Today was a ritual of letting go of the things that keep me from loving. It was very difficult. I have a hard time letting go. On a simple level it is because it means I've done something wrong. In reality it means that someone doesn't want me. I can't think of incidents that I need to let go; I always think of people I need to let go. I feel wrong for severing from them and I have a difficult time getting perspective on "killing off" people.

Courtesy of GodHungry: When Adults Refuse to Grow Up
I did however realize that I needed to forgive someone for not being a better person, and more than that, for knowing better but not wanting to do better. And I think that is my ultimate beef with everyone that lets me down; they know better but choose to stay where they are or go deeper into where they were. They want some comfortable familiarity where they don't have to think, don't have to decide, don't have to change, don't have to fear, don't have to question. I totally understand that because it is that comfort I have in the people who have hurt me the most.

Courtesy of Trek Earth
The people who have hurt me the most do so by choosing comfort instead of growth, and they hurt me because they leave me alone. Alone to journey, alone to grow, alone to fear the changes, alone to be brave, alone to have the courage. I guess life was not to be that easy for me this time around. Is my lesson in life to be alone? Is my lesson in life to see that I am not alone? Oh, if the latter is true, I am most certainly failing. Because I am alone in body, perhaps in spirit with the exception of God, My Words, Buddha. Perhaps it is a choice to be alone, rather than a circumstance put upon me. After all, isn't "alone" just a meaning I am giving?  I am growing, I am moving, I am waiting, I am wandering, I am flying, I am, So Hum.

Courtesy of LifeArte
Today I want to make a bead with the colors coral gray, and black. I saw a color block dress on a model in a yahoo advertisement. I can't find the picture now, darn it!

Courtesy of VictoriaBC Wedding Tips
It is supposed to be very hot today and tomorrow. I need to water my plants and maybe take pictures of new growth in the garden. Gonna make meatloaf for dinner and a potato salad. Need to get the potato salad done early. The infection in my lip seems better this morning; I'll just keep treating it and not go to the doctor. Need to think of a dessert to make, but do it early before the heat. Still trying to deal with cravings for nicotine.

Homework to do on the website, social media, and bead biz.

Friday, July 20, 2012

So Hum Arha (Sanskrit: I Am Worthy)

Every day answers a new question. On day 1 of Deepak Chopra's 21 day Meditation Challenge, I think, I asked, “Do we know all the things in our past that hold us?” I always felt stopped by fear in entertaining discovering the unknown secrets of my mind, that are hidden to protect me. I always say, “I don’t need to know what they are.”

"Our challenge is to identify the misery producing narratives so that we can reframe them in ways that allow our wounds to heal."
—David Simon

Courtesy of The 21st Floor
In today’s meditation we are discovering the healing when we know what happened in the past, the memories. “If we spent a lot of time alone as a child, we learned how to be independent. Those of us who were not able to spend long periods of quality time with our parents or caregivers learned how important it is to be present, and to cherish every moment with loved ones.” That’s not what I learned though. I learned that I didn’t deserve to have people care about me, and that in order to deserve attention I had to be better, good, try harder; I learned I was not enough.
One of my favorite Blogs!
You have to treat the source of the pain or injury, rather than only the symptoms. Pain comes from unmet need; how can I get my needs met now? 

What do I need, to KNOW I am enough? My “unconditional value” that I am worthy of receiving love. I am worthy of receiving love, because….I am…So Hum. Here’s the real question, though: “What do you do that tells me (makes me believe) I am worthy?”
Project Runway is on again!!! I miss sewing. I think I’ve decided to wear whatever I want to wear, no matter that it is inappropriate for the occasion (except maybe a job interview). I miss sewing; I would love to have a dress maker’s adjustable dummy. Maybe I should do a bead and jewelry series based on PR? I think that is a definite DO idea!!!
I have started using Google Calendar for my business revamp efforts. I’ve been reading materials and following action prompts from Laura Roeder’s Social Media  Management Program. I now have a twitter account @MonaRAEbeads. I need to figure that out, learn Hoot Suite, learn word press, and make a new web site.
Courtesy of 247FreeTips
Wow, I’ve been making a lot of changes: Day 3 no smoking, meditating, pushing my bead business, writing blogs almost every day, becoming more fearless, growing a garden. I know I am not the only person revamping their life these days.
Courtesy of Erika Dolnackova
Please share this blog on your Twitter (Don't forget to add #MonaRAEbeads) or Face Book, then tell me,  How are you making changes in your life? 

Wednesday, July 18, 2012

The Gap Between Thoughts: I am a Stone Mason

Courtesy of EnlightenYourself101
Today it was very difficult to meditate. "I forgive; I release; I let go of anything and anyone that keeps me from my highest good."

This meditation began with an explanation, and an answering of the questions I had yesterday: Do we know how much of the past really holds us? Do we really know all our stories? How did they set the trajectory for our life? Our ability to love ourselves or others? Does reframing really set us free to make new choices to improve the future? How do I allow the past to interfere with the present?

Courtesy of the Chopra Center
David Simon, Free to Love Free to Heal, states that every heart has the capacity to forgive. Are there people you can’t forgive? Are there things that are unforgivable? We believe resentment effects the offender. Their choices reflect the story that they’ve been living. 

We should recognize our own capacity to cause harm to another. Forgiveness releases judgment. Attention is the energy that feeds growth or regression.

Courtesy of Primer Magazine

So, how do I truly forgive and release anything and anyone that keeps me from my highest good? I suppose first I have to know who and what those blocks are, but I've done so well all this time not acknowledging these blocks, not giving them power ... or have I? Have I really just been storing them away, holding on to them for some proverbial rainy day; this rainy day? Am I afraid of waking the demons and living without them? Have I made them that much of who I am? Who am I if I believe they are essential to my being?

Start Anywhere

This seems all too much to really understand. I'll just start. My grandmother was a hateful woman. Long before her death I decided to eliminate her from my life. I decided to no longer try to please her or get her approval. I decided to no longer be emotionally abused by her. The one thing that helped me know it was the right thing for me to do, and I'll never forget this, was the answer to the question, "If she dies alone will I regret not being there?" My answer was easily, "No." I knew I was ready to separate myself from her completely; but did I forgive her? I don't think so, because in describing her to anyone, I easily say she was a hateful woman, and in saying it I never fear the wrath of God for lacking understanding; I have simply felt as if I was simply stating a fact.


So how has holding onto "the facts" served me? Have I really let go if I have not forgiven? Holding on to the facts has allowed me to ignore the possibility that we really can't kill off people and experiences; we can't unring the bell and we can't completely lose awareness of its ring (or can we? I've often felt there are early childhood experiences that I've completely erased). Trying to sort this out seems so overwhelming and circuitous.

Try Again

Okay, so to Omi, I forgive you. For some reason I do not need to understand, you operated in the capacity of the story you were living. You did not have the capacity to make choices that did not involve hurting me. You did not have the capacity, 
you did not know, 
you did not, 
you were incapable of making choices that could not, 
would not, 
you could not conceive of ways not to, 
you chose to, 
you only knew how to make choices to, 
hurt me. 

You were hurtful. 


Am I now released, have I truly let go? No, I guess I have to say, "I forgive you", but to really mean that I need to understand that forgiveness is not something I am giving her, it is something I am giving myself. So much easier said than done.

Try Again

I forgive you Omi, for being hateful, for being hurtful, for being ignorant. These are the facts, but when I say them, the act of saying them makes me feel hateful and hurtful. That is what I am making it mean, but I have a choice not to be ignorant, I have a choice to make it mean something else. I chose to make it mean, I am merely stating the facts, I do not have to "feel" what they mean because they are not my facts, they are hers. 


Courtesy of Club Penguin
So I forgive you for being who you were, and though I am sad that you did not chose to be better than who you were, I am happy that I am not who you were. I am making room in my life to not hate you, to not pity you, to not have you in my life; you are a bell that's resonance is being drowned out by the space in my life I have opened to being loved, to being whole, to being me. You may no longer be permitted in that space; you are unnecessary for me to love and be loved.

Courtesy of EnlightenYourself101
The difference between this definition of forgiveness and the first one posted above, is emotion. "When we no longer hold those emotions, and have understanding for the person, we have forgiven them."

I really did ring the bell on this one. I need to re read my declaration to my grandmother and apply it to all things I am holding on to that I need to forgive; the words are my own, I realized them, and they are universal. And you watched the process, this is how I did it; I just laid it out as it came, truly, authentically, unadulteratedly so.

Courtesy of Martha's Kitchen  Corner
One step at a time. Nothing is final. Nothing is written in stone unless I am the author who carves it. And even then, I am the author, I can wield the sledgehammer that smashes the stone at any time. I  acknowledge that I am not the creator of the stone, but I am the author of any uses of the stone in my life. I am a stone mason.

Okay, once again, cue theme from Twilight Zone! Stone Mason?! Really?! The foundation, the Masons, the Holy Grail, the lineage of Christ, Stone Henge! 
Sacred Destintations
OMG OMG OMG, que "du du duuuunnnn" music that happens right after the big moment on film: The title of this post, "The Gap Between Thoughts", was written before I added "I am a stone Mason", but now I realize how poignant that was. The gap between stones is filled with mortar, the stuff that allows a structure to either last or crumble through time and environment. The gap between thoughts is not filled with silence and thoughtlessness, it is filled with the stuff that allows the mind to either last or crumble through time and environment!

Tuesday, July 17, 2012

Satcitananda Sanskrit for Eternal Bliss Consciousness

Day 2 of the 21 day meditation challenge: "The past is over; I live blissfully loving in the present." During my meditation I saw many faces on the backs of my eyelids, all with the same eyes, the eyes of an elephant.

Courtesy of Wildlife Pictures Online
Wow, when I found this picture I saw my father's eyes! I was stunned; I had to look at my dad's picture just to confirm it, and sure enough I was seeing my father's eyes. As you read on, you may understand the significance of that.

Courtesy of ExplodingDog (love that name!)
Presently, I'm trying to figure out why there is nothing in my present. I feel rather without purpose, as if I am missing something that would bite me on the nose if I could see it. At the same time, perhaps that is what I should appreciate; I'm not supposed to be "doing" anything I've already done. But I'm not ready to be done "doing." I feel stuck in the "feeling" like I "should" be doing something that is expected of me; it is so easy to appease that feeling by applying for jobs. It is much easier to apply for a job, than it is to create something new, to go out on a limb, to consider doing what I want to do, to believe doing what I want to do is all I need to be doing. Self-indulgence is "bad" and it doesn't pay the bills; maybe I should want it to pay the bills and if it did indeed pay the bills, then it wouldn't be "bad".

Courtesy of Hannah Marcotti
The beginning of today's meditation was all about living in the past and making a space in our lives, that once open will be filled with love. I thought I knew that already, but I remind myself that I am merely a human being and in order to be better than that (I call it super-human-being) I must practice what I know.

Courtesy of Eric Garcia Ministries

Do we know how much of the past really holds us? Do we really know all our stories? How did they set the trajectory for our life? Our ability to love ourselves or others? Does reframing really set us free to make new choices to improve the future? How do I allow the past to interfere with the present? Chose the path of joy.

Courtesy of Erin Austin
I've been thinking about this a lot lately and stumbling onto questions and hits at answers. Trust and abandonment are huge issues for me, much bigger than I really can acknowledge until I can understand why, the event or events that created trust as a pavement for the rest of my life's meanings. Could it be something as simple as my father being in Viet Nam? Could it be something that happened when I was born? I know for sure I felt abandoned when my grandmother was hateful and hurtful and no one would protect me; but did that really do it? Do I really need to understand the incident to reframe the story? Well I thought I had reframed the story, giving a meaning that my protectors did the best they could, that they too were afraid, but that doesn't make the "story" and it's effect on my life, go away; maybe it's not supposed to disappear. 

Courtesy of Wren's Nest Online
Maybe it is just one in a long line of similar events that result in the same thing; until recently. Recently the issue of abandonment and trust came up again. I responded differently this time. I decided that I was going to   have the story end with a meaning about someone else, the "other", and not about me. It has worked pretty good actually. Perhaps that is what I really need to commit to; I need to reframe the meanings related to me by giving them to someone else instead. But then what will I be left with? Who will I be? Ah, there is the real "thing" to either fear or be excited about.

Courtesy of عازف الأحزان
Today I was someone who stepped out of what I "should" do and into what I wanted to do. I attended an online party with Laura Roeder, of The Dash among many other social media and life coaching titles. I'm excited to dedicate much more of my time exploring my business and life in social media. Laura made it easy by offering her new business model, a Social Media Monitoring hub/platform, for ONLY ONE DOLLAR!  Here's the link if you are interested in checking it out.  
One Dollar for the first month!!
Oh epiphany: the eyes of an elephant, an elephant never forgets the past! Que music, theme from Twilight Zone!

Monday, July 16, 2012

Meditate on This Baby!

I've never been able to meditate; my mind is waaaay too busy and loud. But today, maybe, I've learned that meditation is not about being blank, but about paying attention to what is there.

Facebook isn't useless after all. April Star Davis Jewelry (Designers for Africa) is a friend on Facebook and she shared a link for a free 21 day meditation challenge with Depak Chopra. So I went to check it out, and there was no BS, sign here, read that, give us permission stuff. We just went right into it. The first few minutes were an explanation about the challenge agenda; the goal is to create a new habit. This challenge is about love and living in love and all its forms over the next 21 days.

Over the rest of the 15 minutes (that's how long each daily meditation will be), I meditated. Really, I actually meditated! I let go of all the fighting to figit and think and breath; the sudden urge to itch was satisfied, I breathed and listened.

I heard judgment of the way I breath, I heard judgment about interpreting things I saw on the backs of my eyelids, I heard judgment about the correctness of my chants of "so" and "humm" on inhale and exhale. I heard judgment about the excitement that I was meditating. When it was over, I didn't want to open my eyes. When I opened my eyes, 15 minutes had passed, but it felt like only five. It felt like I breathed a numerable amount. Wow, cool, I actually meditated. "I am ready to view my life through the eyes of love." Time to let go of the judgments.

Do you think it is a Freudian Slip that I keep correcting "medicated" to "meditated"?! I swear, I'm not doing drugs!

Here are some quick shots of beads I've made over the last week. They aren't listed yet so if you want any of them, or have questions, just let me know.

The Purple dots actually change color depending on light! The darker barrel bead has some metallic sheen to it.

This one is cracked all through the encasing. So sad cuz' it's so cool. 

Earring pairs of dragged and raised dots.

My favorite. Purple is such a difficult color to get.

My second favorite. I like making seashells; this pic makes it look flat.