Today I realized why I’ve been in such a funk. And by funk,
I mean way down deep sad and tired of this life. I have been isolating myself
from the world, from real people.
I’ve been staying home because I cannot
afford to go out. I cannot afford the gas, I cannot afford $5 to play pool, and
I’m constantly worried about money. I feel like I’ve forgotten how to smile and
I just don’t want to subject anyone to that.
 |
| Courtesy of LoveScott |
Today’s meditation, and yesterday’s visit with my friend
Nancy were very enlightening to me. Today’s meditation focuses on a giving
heart and emphasizes that you almost never give of your heart without receiving
something back; when you are feeling a lack, just give and that feeling will be
resolved. I am a giver of my heart, and my heart relies on being around people,
giving my energy, sharing, and learning. I need to go back to having faith that
what I need will happen for me.
 |
| Courtesy of Amber Avines |
I’ve been feeling in limbo and disappointed that I’m not
getting what I want, and not even sure of what I want. Yesterday I realized
that maybe what I want is not what I need. Maybe I don’t need to conform to the
expectations of others; maybe I don’t need a traditional job. Maybe what I need
is to appreciate myself for someone who can do anything and when I do things I
love doing I am always successful. Maybe I need to remember that great reward
does not come without great risk.
 |
| Courtesy of Design Seeds |
Today I made beads, and for the first time in a long time, I
loved doing it. I followed my heart and allowed no restrictions. I made a coral
black and gray bead, like the dress I mentioned in an earlier post. I made a
bead with lots of texture and explored a new shape. I made a bead that was
inspired by Design Seeds. And I made a bead totally from my own imagination and
that one is going to be soooooooo beautiful! I’m so excited to see them come
out of the kiln tomorrow!
 |
| Courtesy of WakeupCloud |
So, with my new found energy for beads, and self, I’m going
to continue with my journey toward social media marketing both in my bead
business and in my professional life. I am not sure what shape it will take,
but I will follow my instincts and unique inspirations and Just. Do. It!
Just a thought on your mention of money.
ReplyDeleteMy issue with money was very similar until about a year ago. I held on to every bit I could, because there never seemed to be enough. Every-time I managed to save a bit something would happen. My cat ended up at the vet and there it went.I managed to pay it off and save a bit and 2 days after my other cat ended up at the vet (which was the same morning I went in for surgery). I never went anywhere because everything went to bills and my children's needs.
Then I remembered what my oldest son said. He said money flows. I thought about that and well he is right. Money flows it is energy like everything else. If I was holding onto it which I desperately was, it cannot flow. I was inadvertently blocking the flow of money.I did a lil experiment.I decided that I was gonna help it flow again. I was going to release it so that in doing so It would flow back to me. So I spent some knowing that it would create a space to allow some to flow back. It did and more than I spent. I did this over and over each time more would make its way back. It is as simple as telling yourself that you deserve to go and have a coffee with a friend. or shoot that game of pool, any little thing.
It did more than flow it released me from all my worries about money. It changed the way I felt about money and the way I felt about other blocks in my life. One by one these blocks are tumbling down and at the same time releasing me from my long held beliefs on Money, stress, and my perceived blocks.
It was a scary move believe me. Allowing myself a small even the smallest luxury when I struggled daily to make ends meet. I was in the red every month with no relief in sight. I took that step and told myself that I deserve this, I know that everything in life flows. I went and had lunch (Chinese) and went to the gas station with the last $10.00 I had. I went in paid for the gas and while I was pumping a car was being pushed in, (out of gas) the girl got out with her child and I stopped pumping and put the rest of my gas which ended up about 7.00. I held the mind set that money flows and right now it needed to flow to her and went home. 2 days later it flowed back to me in the form of a refund check that I never knew about and was 10x the amount I spent that day. another time I took a friend to Chico with me to get groceries and she was telling me how she was struggling so I told her "Money flows" she could not wrap her mind around the concept. So I told her my sons phone bills was due tomorrow but that I wasn't worried because I knew it would be ok. As we were walking into the store I looked down and picked up and oddly folded paper thinking it was origami. It was the exact amount of the coming phone bill. She was blown away.
I always get excited wondering which block will tumble next and which opportunity will flow my way...
I have always struggled with Conformity it tends to bring out the rebelliousness me. walking that line is to stressful. Letting go and being exactly who I desire to be is allowing me to change my perspective on "those who conform do not struggle as much as those who don't" I am Free,I am Happy, and I am on my way!
Sorry meant to say that I put the rest of my gas (7.00) in her tank.
ReplyDeleteRC, I'm so glad you shared these stories and thoughts with me. They are very impacting and I love what you are saying. I know it is true that everything will be okay, I just forgot how I always knew that. Now I understand a little more: money flows. I get it! And thank you for giving me a little "water"! Also, I really love what you said in your last sentence: "Letting go and being exxactly who I desire to be is allowing me to change my perspective on "those who conform do not struggle". Wow, just WOW! Thanks again!
ReplyDelete