Sunday, July 1, 2012

The 8th day of the Week

The Mamas and the Papas sang about Monday; I sing about Sunday. Sunday is the “why” day.

Why do we have a need to understand our place? Why do I feel so out of place? Why do I seek a purpose as if there actually was one? Why are we humans so emotionally attached to things we cannot see, and do not know, but insist on trying to understand?

How does one know the difference between a gift of seeing and schizophrenia? Why is that line so blurry? Is it because the unknown and things we have no experience with frighten us? Why can’t we just accept what is? Why do I feel  a need to analyze and rationalize?

Native American ways seem like secrets to me. Are their rites and beliefs kept secret on purpose? When I’ve gone to pow wows I want to dance and cry at the same time; I find such beauty in their songs, but to my ears the “words” are just sounds with no sense, rhyme, or reason, as if I’m not permitted to really hear, but my heart wants to know what is being said. 
The Lakota have ritual where they pierce their skin with the strongest bones of the buffalo and tie it to a tree and try to pull themselves from the piercings either in their chest or back. I find this repulsive, and frightful; are these feelings because I’m afraid of pain, physical and psychic? 

There are other tribes in the world who do the same thing (India' Garudam Thookkam) or similar (bungee vine jumpers); I feel equally repulsed and cringe at just the thought. But the purpose of these practice is to get your spirit to leave your body, to “see” beyond, to “talk to God”. I react with a “Duh, of course you are going to pass out and hallucinate, but why do we have to go through pain or torture to get there?” Many sexual practices are for the same purpose.
People who identify with “witchcraft” are the most schizophrenic to me; so much is just fantasy, it all looks so “put on”. On  the other hand a discussion of heaven and hell from a witch’s perspective seems to best explain this whole post, this need to question: “There can be hell realms, but I don’t think that they are places that we go to.  They are places that we drive ourselves into through our hunger . Hell realms are very easy to fall into and very difficult to climb out of.” It is that hunger and that presence in and climbing out that seems significant; that seems truly to define insanity.  Is it the question or is it the answer that makes us crazy? If it’s crazy to think and believe some of the ways people do, how is it they find another person at all who completely identifies? Crazy loves company, too? I think there is a big part of this reasoning that has to do with self-judgment. Artists go through this on a regular basis.

Here are some beads that I've made in the last couple weeks. I don't like most of them. I guess that is me being in the realm of hell. Will making more beads allow me to "climb out"? Yet again, it is the witch with words I appreciate: “You can define your life by your willingness to take risks. We are in many ways limited only by our courage.” I suppose she means the lack thereof? What does an unlimited life look like? Perhaps it is never asking "why", never satisfying the hunger to "know", understanding the desire but not succumbing, being aware of the risk that the answer lies there....Epiphany: The bible talks about Satan in the tree of knowledge! And then I fall back into the pit of "why" to the ladder of "how"; how does one live "responsibly" at the same time they live an unlimited life? I have a child who means more to me than an unlimited life; perhaps that is the REAL definition of life. Define your life by your willingness to live for another. Doesn't that sound like "religion"?


  1. This week is an interesting week for me. I find myself even closer to God. The Waldo Canyon fires in Colorado is where it began for me. The total commitment to Jesus Christ..the acceptance of Him as my Lord and Saviour. In the Garden of the Gods He appeared to me the night before our church was going to have an outdoor batptism. I was really uncertain. I was in the process of leaving the only religion I knew Catholic. The rituals within this church are so corrupt. The process of scaring children in believing the Catholic ways is immoral. They really didn't care because we were born with Mortal sin and they had to get that out of us through the sacrements. So anyway back to God appearing to me. It was in Garden of the Gods where some of the fires are currently. It was almost like a huge light, a long flowing gown, outstretched arms..the picture that we see of Him it was that. I went back the next day to see about lighting there is no lighting on the rocks we were looking at. My first husband saw something too. I asked him do you see that and he said yes. It was later when we got home that we discovered he had seen something different he saw the cross all lit up. So if you combine my siting and his it represents baptizm, the resurrection of Christ. I went and was baptized the next day. It was in Lake George what I remember the most was the bed of the lake being so squishy. I could hardly stand up i was like in quick sand. I soon as i was baptized the squishiness went away. It was gone no more pulling toward the bottom of the Lake. So for me God is alive and is guiding me through live's dimensions. Love you girl

  2. Dear Anonymous, thank you for sharing your beautiful experiences. Even though your childhood was forced into a belief, you were blessed to have an experience that one can see as crazy or one can see as spiritual; I'm glad you see it as spiritual. I saw my father's spirit leave his body, literally, the moment he died. I know we are more than what we seem, and there is more to know than this body and its existence allow. Thank you for the love; I don't get enough of that! Sending it back to you, for your bravery to live the life you chose, to expose yourself here, and your sparing a little meaningfulness, that which we can never run out of ... love. Mona


Thank you so much for taking the time to read my thoughts!