Sunday, December 16, 2012

To Dream the Impossible Dream (Hmmm another song title!)

How do I want to feel today? My daily transformational question, gifted by the Desire Map. I want to feel creative, compassionate, and eloquent.

I had the best dream this morning, which surprises me. It surprises me because I went to bed tired enough to sleep at 10:30, got on my Facebook in bed, became engrossed and agitated by a post about mental illness, and didn't fall asleep until about 12:30. I've been having dreams in the last 2 months that have been totally atypical for me.

In this dream I was in India, and I was in the offices of my old job at Position 2.  I had blonde hair and actually had just had a conversation with a woman at the counter of the beauty shop as I paid for my services on the way out. I was cleaning a dishwasher that was also a clothes washer. Kelly Greene was there and so was a young man who was her boyfriend. Kelly had the power of telekinesis and she made a large book fly through the air and hit the boyfriend. The two made me feel like they were the couple from Twilight.
Next I was outside, and there was a kind of rummage sale. One of the guys, maybe Avinash, was showing off his find of these beautiful orange-brown, lotus shaped, ceramic bowls, with matching dipping trays. And I got excited to find some of my own and Avinash had a microphone in one hand and started singing about all the Indian  foods you can put in the bowls, and I sang with him about all the other foods and objects I could put in the bowl, and it was fun and funny, very Bollywood comical. Then off to the market I went. I began to feel desperate that I wouldn't find the bowls because there was so much stuff to look at, but then not only did I find them, but the ones I had found were different than the ones Avinash had. The bowls I had found were a turquoise-green/blue and they were not lotus shaped, they were Buddha shaped! They had five lobes, one for the head, two for the arms, two for the folded knees and flat on the bottom. And the dipping trays of the same color were about 1/2" deep with the same outline shape but they were not bowls, they were miniature trays for individual servings. If I had clay I would make them all right now!
As I continued through the market and looked at many different things, I came to a stand where one older woman was laying down on a step riser where many of the wares surrounded her, and another more agile, younger (but older than me) woman sat with her legs tucked under her on the ground below. As I bent over to pick something up from one of the steps, I dropped something, but not out of clumsiness but rather out of loss of control of my body. And I felt like I knew what to do to respond to my body, but I was scared, and the women were not scared but were concerned. My entire body seized, and there was a pain (like when something you swallow gets stuck in your esophagus) which radiated out from my chest. I was not thinking "heart attack" so I don't think I was having one; instead I was thinking "you know how to handle this, relax, focus on the pain, find your center, So, Hum, breath". I closed my eyes, as I felt my body's falling sensation. And my mantra began...So (inhale) Hum (exhale) focus, and my third eye focused on a vision of a batik of Buddha with radiating light surrounding and going outward in rays from the head. And just like that, at that moment of clarity the pain went away, I had control of my body, I opened my eyes, I was still standing (maybe never really fell), and I took a deep breath. As I began my mantra, I was humming Ohm, and the two women also had been humming Ohm, and as they were humming I could feel their desire to help me and the confidence that prayer was the absolute only thing that could be done.
As I paid for my wares, leaving the market, another woman was at the counter. I didn't immediately recognize her, but she recognized me (I could tell by the way she was looking at me, with curiosity, not necessarily friendliness). She had her glasses on when I saw her earlier, but I remembered being impressed with her clothing, and it was that same clothing that brought recognition to me, because I had never seen her eyes until now. I said "Hello" in a way to acknowledge her stares, but also in a way that kept away conversation. There was an undercurrent of "I know you know me but you don't know me and you don't want to know me but you are compelled to know more about me and you want to take from me and I want to give to you but I do not trust you" and I felt drawn, and she felt drawn, and I felt fear and curiosity, and she felt desire and hate and love.
I left and found myself going back to Position 2, walking joyfully with two other women, both younger, and hopping down the planter ledge, and giving my hand to the younger woman to help her down the ledge. And she asked, "How do you do that so easily, do you have a young child?" I respond, "Yes I do, but he's not a baby any more, he's tall now, very, very tall." That is the end of the dream, and I awake feeling like I'd been to a movie starring me. But I think the most important character was the woman in the sunglasses. So Hum, I Am....the woman in the glasses.

So that's "creative"; I think I'll post this to Story Lane. Now for compassionate and eloquent (well, maybe one might consider what I've written already to be eloquent); I had the intention of being both at the same time to communicate what agitates me as much as my dream gave me pleasure. Gun wanna talk about it, fine, but talk about the facts and the truth and for God's sake, do not anthropomorphize it, giving it the power to kill. A gun is a tool used by another to kill, whether they shoot a human or an animal or plant; people kill people and unlike corporations, guns are not people (snarky pun intended.)
My Fave!
Don't talk about gun control without talking about the fact that more gun control cannot stop the problem that incited the conversation, the elementary school shooting. The only way to stop the problem is to understand the people who commit the crime, who pull the trigger. What is their mind like, their life, their environment? Understand they are different, the people and the reasons, from each other, that there is not just one explanation or type of person we can "keep from buying guns." If guns were not available at all, other weapons would be used. One death is as important as many, so really, the issue should not be that these are "mass" killings, but killings at all. The issue is the condition of being human in our society. Sometimes we can do something about the conditions of potential killers, however sometimes we cannot. When we can make life more joyous for another we should. When we cannot prevent a killer from killing, we must do what we can to protect everyone from violent outcomes. But we CAN NOT go around making blanket judgments that the mentally ill should be prevented from buying guns. What we can do is pay attention to who is buying enough weapons and body armor and ammunition that combine to a lethal threat should that be the intention.
It seems to me a very simple solution. A computer database that analyzes purchases, which we already have in online shopping; "People who purchased this item also looked at these other items." To satisfy the needs of more control, we can require registration of all purchases of ammunition, chemicals, fire arms, body armor, and other materials that are factors in the equation we are trying to avoid completion of. As a database continually analyzes these purchases, a red flag can be raised when conditions are met that can be considered lethal. These people who have met these conditions should be simply asked their intentions, not arrested, nor harassed, just asked point blank "Why have you purchased these items, show them to us and how they are being stored." It does not matter if they are mentally ill, because not all people with mental illness kill, and not all killers have mental illness. Unfortunately we must trust a system that fails on a regular basis to allow us our freedom to live and protect and prepare ourselves, regardless of how we see fit to do that on a person by person basis. That is what will cause the down fall of our society, as it has increasingly already become the cause of mass killings and other crimes; our corrupt system of humans with power, who are not responsible, compassionate, or intelligent enough to wield that power. 

How do I want to feel? Whole and complete and effective.

Much love,


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Thank you so much for taking the time to read my thoughts!