Friday, December 21, 2012

Cookies, Cats, Cards, Copper, and Care

Good morning. Made my first Christmas cookies yesterday. Thanks mom for the cookie cutter; perfect for Raspberry Linzers!

Two things came up for me this morning while checking into Facebook: 1) I don't like it, I don't like it A LOT when people use The Desire Map page to promote their commercial endeavors 2) I don't speak up when I am offended, a lot of the time, because I feel the need to question my judgment (not it's accuracy, just that I should have a judgment against another.) Both of these things seem related, so I'm just going to ramble on and see what comes of my feelings.

There is a person who posts "answers" without bothering to read the post. I judge them, and I'm annoyed by their "expert" tone. I feel that they are inauthentic and just trying to get noticed rather than really caring about the person they are advising. I ask myself, "Who is X?! Are they part of Danielle's team? How can they be so disrespectful?!"

 At some point, rather soon in the process, I ask myself, "Why does this bother me so much? Am I recognizing myself and something I don't like about myself?" I know a lot of people find "authority" when I speak, and honestly I'm not comfortable with that. I don't want to come off like I'm irrefutable; I want to be refute. I'm just thinking out loud and working it out for myself even as I speak. Yes, I start with a kernel of knowledge, but I never feel I'm absolutely right, and would much rather have the conversation that could alter my opinion and knowledge. I'm about teaching and learning, and the most important thing any of us can teach or learn is critical thinking.

And now I must ask myself, "Why am I not comfortable with being "right" or an "authority"? I know a lot about why, but don't want to get that close to the truth at this moment. And why do I feel the need to question my wholeness if I judge another? It's human to be judgmental, and sometimes that judgment protects me. But I want to be more than "just human." And, perhaps, there is a possibility that by not be open about my judgments I am stopping another from a lesson to be learned. Am I arrogant and selfish at heart, and knowing it I go to extremes to show the opposite? Or perhaps I am humble and generous, and knowing it I do not always express myself? I guess that is up to me and what I want to make it mean about myself.

Oracle Card by Jodie Harvala & Crew
 How do I want to feel, when I express my opinions that might hurt others, or come across as authoritative? When do I want to be authoritative? How do I want to feel when I am authoritative? No, that question is about how others receive my authority; powerful is a motivating feeling for authoritative. Do I want to be powerful, do I want to FEEL powerful? Do I want to have power over others?

Cellini Spiral

So now, I'll let those words marinate in the rest of my day. I'm actually going to start a Cellini spiral, and I've reduced my expectations of perfection and decided to just find a single color of bead that I like and find a pallet that uses it on Design Seeds, and choose the rest of my beads from there.

Filagree Ring and Lampwork Bead
 I'm also going to make a pair of earrings that match this ring I made as a gift for a friend who has been true and loving.
Rock Recipes

I'm also going to make these cookies, which I imagine I've had before and when I had them loooooong ago, I loved them.

Waiting for the "Storm" to come that should have been here in the wee hours and shows no signs of coming until the moment I really don't want it to! (I just reread this; it was initially a literal statement! Here's the perfect picture!)

Waiting for the Storm, Enigma-theory

Have a wonderful day all!

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Thank you so much for taking the time to read my thoughts!