We Desire Wednesday: Distraction from Self

Gratitude Journal by ILoveItAll

Am I just bored? Sure I want more money, but I have what I need to pay back Peter when I borrow from Paul. I have a beautiful big house in a beautiful big forest on a beautiful big mountain. I have an amazing son who never asks me for more than I can give, and has the most amazing mind and the biggest heart. I have two adorable pooches, and even though one is lame and the other one likes to eat poop, they are still loving. I have talent, tons of talent. I am creative with everything I do, I can write, I can talk, I can think, I can put myself out into the world with (mostly) effortless courage. So why, with all of this, am I questioning what I am supposed to be doing with my life?

Am I really just bored when I think "I have no purpose. I have no direction.  I have no goals."? Well, I don't set goals the way I used to; my goals are to feel the way I want to feel. I feel faithful that the Universe has the plan, and I'm just waiting to see what that is and what I'm supposed to do with it. I know I'm a good advocate, and I'm applying for jobs that will let me shine and advocate for people. I've had a few interviews but no job.

Why we can't live in the moment by Futurity.com

When I think of the comforts I will have to give up so that I can work I feel like I'm losing something, and then I think of the comforts I will gain by having a job, and the joy and satisfaction I will gain, and there is a balance. So I keep going, but not knowing where. When I feel dissatisfied, or puzzled about the current state of my existence, am I really just bored? Am I looking for drama? Am I looking for something to stir me? Am I questioning it because I want to be distracted from being okay with myself and doing the things I love and have the luxury of time to do right now?

Sakura Bloom by Tesori Trovati

I once identified with the fulcrum on a teeter-totter. I'm feeling like that again. I'm sure that's not a coincidence. I have been feeling a need to look back, to learn from myself. I also feel the need to start fresh with The Desire Map. There's a quiet opportunity right now to grow. A seed was planted, and like those I planted in my garden, it is germinating and soon will be visible. Here's to spring, springing upward into life.

But before I go, I have to share this amazing song with you. I saw it for the first time just as I was finishted writing this post.

The Horseman Found Her Head

I get SO much when I watch documentary films, when I desire to learn. This morning's film was Murder By Proxy: How America Went Postal.

JWho do you know, that you do not know? Who are the walking dead among you? Who are the people you see, but have never spoken, not even a word, to? Who are the people you have never acknowledged the presence of with even a gesture? These are the walking dead; we must bring them into the light and life that we call society. We must let them know that they are seen. YOU CAN make a difference in the life of another by spending a single second to smile, to lift your head, to lift your hand, to lift your voice, to acknowledge only the sight of anothers’ existence on this planet; you have an infinite supply of this kind of energy, your heart does not have to be in it, however it will surely be infected. You have ENOUGH to give; you will not, CAN NOT, run out of it.

Our society is one that presently runs on a scarcity mentality. The wealthiest of our society don’t want to “go over the fiscal cliff” because it means they will have less, as if there isn’t enough. The employed in society now must have the skills of many to keep their job, because there aren’t enough jobs to go around. The employers in our society must hire fewer employees, and demand more from them, because there isn’t enough money to accomplish all they want to do and stay in business. Students must work at home and forsake their childhood because they must be competitive in order to get an education in order to be successful in the work place of the future. Teachers must forsake  teaching the pleasures of discovery because they are being measured by the quantity of knowledge their students gain, rather than the quality of their teaching. And this competitiveness goes down to the youngest of ages; measurement of the human condition begins at birth with an apgar score.

Strange Fruit by WarUnderground.DeviantArt.com

Darwin’s survival of the fittest is a knowledge that fails our society because we fail to appropriately define what is fit; we are afraid that if everyone is “fit” we will run out of anything, and everything. Yet, many in our society question the natural selection determined by the actions of people we “didn’t see coming.” The so-called mass murderers of our society are people who have been unseen, under-served, over worked, and have a self-perception that they are “nothing”. I truly feel the key to solving the problem of mass shootings lies in that perception.

Callum Mcinerney Riley

When one feels they have nothing left to lose, they are expressing the perception of the ultimate scarcity; they have run out, emptied, their reasons for living. They have been pushed out, stolen from, ignored, and neglected by a society that has taken their most important resource…significance. So they go out in a way that forces society to recognize them. They have immeasurable faith that this recognition will happen; they don’t need to be on this Earth to verify that recognition. Society would like to believe that mass murderers kill themselves out of shame for their actions; perhaps the truth is that these murderers want to shame society for forcing them into a position to take their own place in a significant way. Many would describe this attitude as “entitled.”

"an inflated view of the self"

“Entitlement” is a word brought to the forefront of the 2012 presidential elections. Mitt Romney is described to have said “47%” that feel “entitled” to handouts as the bane of society and the reason for our economic problems; this implies that we don’t have enough to respond to those who are “entitled”. After the election, the word “entitlement” was applied, by the very same people who created it as a negative thing, as a positive word in order to protect the material wealth of those who would be effected by the “fiscal cliff.”

There is one thing we are all entitled to as individuals, and that thing is to breathe. There is one thing we are all entitled to as members of society, and that thing is significance; we all matter.

Brainstuck.com

I want to get back to the point and what we can do about it. The point is that we ignore people because we perceive that we don’t have enough time, money, energy, opportunity, or whatever, to do otherwise; we have a mindset of scarcity. Perhaps, what we don’t understand is that what we need to give is actually a very minuscule amount. Think about what it is or has been in your own life that made you feel significant at any given moment; think about what your life would be like if you had NEVER received any recognition from another person.

I suppose one might say, “I’ve given myself the recognition I need in order to move forward to gain what I want.” I’d like to offer the story of the Christmas Carol; what would have happened if Mr. Scrooge had continued to believe that he never needed anyone and that no one should need him? We are a society; society is nothing without connection between its parts. If we continue to be selfish with our recognition of others, we will no longer be a society. What happens when everyone feels entitled to be so self-ish? The answer is right there in front of you today, in the news.

AwkwardRules.net

Perhaps the “Zombie Apocalypse” is already upon us; Zombies want one thing, for themselves, with absolutely no concern for any other…they want to eat. Zombie’s have the ultimate scarcity mentality. And as the individual Zombies bite and spread the disease, we can counter that by individually changing our mentality to one of abundance. Redefine what is important and essential for life. Redefine life. Redefine love. Redefine happiness. If these things are only conceptual, then we have an infinite amount of resources to redefine these concepts over, and over throughout time.

I want to change the world. I want to change the world. I want to change the world. I want to change the world’s perception of its most important renewable resource: acknowledgement. We can not run out of acknowledgment, which can take many forms, but in order to be realized it MUST be given. I’ll repeat, it MUST be G I V E N!

We acknowledge individuals and that is how a society is born. We acknowledge with a physical gesture; we cannot run out of the ability to acknowledge. But to “mine” that resource we must GIVE it. We do not feel acknowledged unless someone spends the energy to give it to us. We do not feel loved unless someone spends the energy to give love. We do not feel significant if no one spends the energy to acknowledge us.

I want to change the world. I want to change the world. I want to change the world. I want people to acknowledge others. I want people to identify, and convert, the walking dead. I want people to inoculate the walking dead with acknowledgement. I want to advocate for the walking dead.

My New Year’s resolution for 2013: I declare that I will advocate for the walking dead in our schools, in our work places, in our community, in all areas of society. I declare that I will build an army of advocates. I want to feel infectious. I want to feel abundant. I want to feel acknowledged and acknowledging. I know this is HUGE HUGE HUGE; this desire is on a GLOBAL scale. I also have an inner dialogue that says my desires are global because I’m afraid to feel, and feeling from one to another is unbearably painful. But I have enough, I am enough, both globally and individually. I am complete, and expanding, like the universe.

TheSacredQuotidian.Blogspot.Com

I am crying at this moment. I am feeling such a power in my heart and chest and mind. The words echoing, without cease, “That’s exactly what I want to do, that’s exactly what I want to do”. And though it is a “to do” it is driven by the feeling I get when I think about doing it. The feeling is almost indescribable, but it has a physical effect. My heart is tight, and tears just come without thinking. I put my face in my hands as if in grateful prayer; finally, there is a desire without doubt, unmotivated by a feeling of lack or scarcity or comparison.

This was not motivated by trying to “do” the Desire Map; the Desire Map has “sparked” a current that was present and flowing. The Desire Map is like a storm that floods the stream in my soul that has been faithfully flowing since the existence of time in this Universe. This is Joy, on such a ridiculous and literally insane level, almost embarrassing, threatening to release the horsemen of self-consciousness and self-deprecation that would corral the creatures of my heart into the pen of normalcy, acceptability, and predictability. At this very moment, I realize that one of those creatures has been rescued by the Desire Map, rearing to the rescue; that creature is safety, and it is freed like the Black Stallion, and it will return to the corral again and again until all my creatures are free.

Cookies, Cats, Cards, Copper, and Care

Good morning. Made my first Christmas cookies yesterday. Thanks mom for the cookie cutter; perfect for Raspberry Linzers!

Two things came up for me this morning while checking into Facebook: 1) I don't like it, I don't like it A LOT when people use The Desire Map page to promote their commercial endeavors 2) I don't speak up when I am offended, a lot of the time, because I feel the need to question my judgment (not it's accuracy, just that I should have a judgment against another.) Both of these things seem related, so I'm just going to ramble on and see what comes of my feelings.

TheWritersGuideToEpublishing.com

There is a person who posts "answers" without bothering to read the post. I judge them, and I'm annoyed by their "expert" tone. I feel that they are inauthentic and just trying to get noticed rather than really caring about the person they are advising. I ask myself, "Who is X?! Are they part of Danielle's team? How can they be so disrespectful?!"

SmallGroupOfThoughtfulPeople.com

 At some point, rather soon in the process, I ask myself, "Why does this bother me so much? Am I recognizing myself and something I don't like about myself?" I know a lot of people find "authority" when I speak, and honestly I'm not comfortable with that. I don't want to come off like I'm irrefutable; I want to be refute. I'm just thinking out loud and working it out for myself even as I speak. Yes, I start with a kernel of knowledge, but I never feel I'm absolutely right, and would much rather have the conversation that could alter my opinion and knowledge. I'm about teaching and learning, and the most important thing any of us can teach or learn is critical thinking.

And now I must ask myself, "Why am I not comfortable with being "right" or an "authority"? I know a lot about why, but don't want to get that close to the truth at this moment. And why do I feel the need to question my wholeness if I judge another? It's human to be judgmental, and sometimes that judgment protects me. But I want to be more than "just human." And, perhaps, there is a possibility that by not be open about my judgments I am stopping another from a lesson to be learned. Am I arrogant and selfish at heart, and knowing it I go to extremes to show the opposite? Or perhaps I am humble and generous, and knowing it I do not always express myself? I guess that is up to me and what I want to make it mean about myself.

Oracle Card by Jodie Harvala & Crew

 How do I want to feel, when I express my opinions that might hurt others, or come across as authoritative? When do I want to be authoritative? How do I want to feel when I am authoritative? No, that question is about how others receive my authority; powerful is a motivating feeling for authoritative. Do I want to be powerful, do I want to FEEL powerful? Do I want to have power over others?

Cellini Spiral

So now, I'll let those words marinate in the rest of my day. I'm actually going to start a Cellini spiral, and I've reduced my expectations of perfection and decided to just find a single color of bead that I like and find a pallet that uses it on Design Seeds, and choose the rest of my beads from there.

Filagree Ring and Lampwork Bead MonaRAEbeads.com

 I'm also going to make a pair of earrings that match this ring I made as a gift for a friend who has been true and loving.

Rock Recipes

I'm also going to make these cookies, which I imagine I've had before and when I had them loooooong ago, I loved them.

Waiting for the "Storm" to come that should have been here in the wee hours and shows no signs of coming until the moment I really don't want it to! (I just reread this; it was initially a literal statement! Here's the perfect picture!)

Waiting for the Storm, Enigma-theory DeviantArt.com

Have a wonderful day all!