Wednesday, May 8, 2013

We Desire Wednesday: Distraction from Self

Gratitude Journal by ILoveItAll
Am I just bored? Sure I want more money, but I have what I need to pay back Peter when I borrow from Paul. I have a beautiful big house in a beautiful big forest on a beautiful big mountain. I have an amazing son who never asks me for more than I can give, and has the most amazing mind and the biggest heart. I have two adorable pooches, and even though one is lame and the other one likes to eat poop, they are still loving. I have talent, tons of talent. I am creative with everything I do, I can write, I can talk, I can think, I can put myself out into the world with (mostly) effortless courage. So why, with all of this, am I questioning what I am supposed to be doing with my life?

Am I really just bored when I think "I have no purpose. I have no direction.  I have no goals."? Well, I don't set goals the way I used to; my goals are to feel the way I want to feel. I feel faithful that the Universe has the plan, and I'm just waiting to see what that is and what I'm supposed to do with it. I know I'm a good advocate, and I'm applying for jobs that will let me shine and advocate for people. I've had a few interviews but no job.

Why we can't live in the moment by
When I think of the comforts I will have to give up so that I can work I feel like I'm losing something, and then I think of the comforts I will gain by having a job, and the joy and satisfaction I will gain, and there is a balance. So I keep going, but not knowing where. When I feel dissatisfied, or puzzled about the current state of my existence, am I really just bored? Am I looking for drama? Am I looking for something to stir me? Am I questioning it because I want to be distracted from being okay with myself and doing the things I love and have the luxury of time to do right now?

Sakura Bloom by Tesori Trovati
I once identified with the fulcrum on a teeter-totter. I'm feeling like that again. I'm sure that's not a coincidence. I have been feeling a need to look back, to learn from myself. I also feel the need to start fresh with The Desire Map. There's a quiet opportunity right now to grow. A seed was planted, and like those I planted in my garden, it is germinating and soon will be visible. Here's to spring, springing upward into life.

But before I go, I have to share this amazing song with you. I saw it for the first time just as I was finishted writing this post.


  1. Hello Miss Mona! I can sympathize with the teeter totter effect. I feel that a lot. I think that lately I have so many things stacked up that I can't decide which direction to turn and so I am feeling very unbalanced. And balance is my mantra this year! It seems that I pick the hardest word for me to manifest. Thank you for featuring my Sakura blooms on your site! Enjoy the day. Erin

    1. Erin, thank you for the comments and I love showing off your work. On the subject of balance, it's a wonderful acceptance of what is rather than a desire to be completely without something, like the desire to be fearless (something impossible to achieve!)I have been doing The Desire Map (Danielle LaPorte) and finding my core desired "feelings"; among those is "centered". You might enjoy this post about centered which includes a creative piece of writing over a pic of kids from the 20's on teeter-totters


Thank you so much for taking the time to read my thoughts!