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Friday, June 26, 2015
I got fired from my job today
I got fired frommy job today. You would expect me to be sad
and worried. I’m a little worried; a lot pissed off. But mostly I’m hopeful.
It’s really a great comfort knowing so many people who respond when I tell
them, “I just got fired.” But there’s always that one telling that gives
anxiety; the one to which the response matters most: to the parents.
Texted mom, “I just got fired”. Worried about the telephone
call coming from her in 15 minutes. Worried that she won’t like my feeling that
losing my job is an opportunity. Worried that she won’t like my plan, my ideas,
or the direction I want to go. Worried that she will feel exasperated, again,
by her flighty daughter who never seems to finish what she starts, who always
jumps without open eyes or cautious thoughts about what she is doing.
Here I am, writing not fast enough, to tell you how wrong I
was. How happy I am to be so wrong. I will never ever, as long as I live,
forget her words. “Your life is SO interesting. I love your friends, how you
are with them and they with you. I love your town, despite how remote it is for
my tastes. I love all the things you do and how you involve yourself in living.
You have such a great life and I love it and you so much. I have never known
anyone, ever, to rise from the ashes as swiftly and beautifully like the
phoenix as you have done…always you have risen.”
I have the most wonderful mother in the world. I am always surprised by how wonderful she is, but I shouldn’t be.
And today I rise again; two hours after being fired. Two
hours after feeling rejected, unappreciated, and a fool for believing that all
that I did, mattered. One hour after realizing, what a great opportunity it is
to be free. Free from the grips of a place in the dark that prevented my
growth. The eclipse is over and I’m free to shine, not as I always have, but
Speaking of fire, the sky is darkening and looking like rain here in Arnold, California. Unfortunately it is a more dangerous sign of a pyrocumulus (well maybe it's a cloud created by a wildfire.) Just over the Ebbetts Pass, in Markleeville, is a wildfire that is only 3 miles from the nearest town and spreading fast. As of this morning it is 10% contained at more than 17,000 acres burned. Say a prayer for the firefighters and nearby residents (including the critters.) I really hope it doesn't go up Highway 4; we might be sunk if it does.