Monday, January 24, 2011

What am I afraid of?

I made more beads on Saturday; it was fun! I've been wondering how they turned out but haven't looked yet. Why? What am I afraid of?

Am I afraid I won't like them? Am I afraid no one will like them? Am I afraid that I will dislike them so much that I will again contemplate quitting altogether? Why do I even think about such things?

Do I think about making beads more than I actually practice making beads? What am I afraid of? Am I afraid I've forgotten how to make beads? Am I afraid that I was better at making beads when I first began, and as I became more skilled my beads were not as attractive? Even though many times my ugliest beads have been the first to sell (when they were selling!) and even though many times I've set aside ugly beads, only to find them beautiful when I pick them up again months later, I still don't think they are as good as Dora's or Manuela's or Anastasia's (Those German's make the most beautiful beads!) These bead artists are most inspirational to me and inspire me to better stringer control. They post in the gallery on Lampwork Etc.; maybe that is why I'm afraid to show my beads...because my favorite lamworkers will get all the compliments, obviously deserved, and I won't get any, an obvious sign that my beads are not good enough to keep such company.

But these artists are among the greatest of the great, and admiration of them s truly deserved and earned by many years of practice. So why don't I practice? Am I afraid that if I make beads too often the joy and creative release will be replaced by mundane obligations to promises I made to myself to practice or need to earn money and justify my selfish indulgence of time to a craft that makes me happy?

Oh there are so many things to be afraid of when in the process of creation. All artists of living go through the process of fear. I think this is something my mother understands. She sent some encouragement today that I'd like to share with you. It reminded me that my deepest fear is not that I am inadequate, but rather that I am powerful beyond measurement. Here's the link, go ahead click on it...what are you afraid of?


  1. Mona, I don't feel so all alone when I hear from you and see your growth process. Thank you for that.

  2. Thanks Paulette. We are NEVER alone...glad to be together with you.


Thank you so much for taking the time to read my thoughts!